BLOG
Healthy Steps - Part 1
Hello everyone!
Some of you may know that I have been on a journey for the past several years striving for ultimate health and fitness. I even started a fitness group on facebook: Femme FITales and Buff Boys, in order to encourage others in their pursuit of a healthy lifestyle. I have sent out fitness challenges, post encouraging sayings, I've worked out with some of the members, and I e-mail advice to the group. Since I have spent a lot of time doing research and trying things myself, several people have approached me in the past year asking for my suggestions, how I eat, how can they get started, what changes to make etc...
So I'm here to share it with you! I figured it might be nice to have it all compiled into one place where I can just direct people instead of re-typing it a lot.
Several years ago, I was pretty fluffy. No one believes me when I tell them I was a chunky monkey, so here's proof:
That was about about 2005/2006 and I had gained a lot of weight at college eating 1/2 gallons of ice cream, boxes of teddy grahams, and generally whatever I wanted. Then I naturally lost some weight when I came home, but I view this period (below) as "still squishy" and I was also not very happy. I thought I was eating relatively well during these years actually, but now looking back I see how wrong I was. I still had Pepsi at lunch with a sandwich, I loved ice cream, and I most definitely loved any type of rolls or bread!
These pictures are from 2009 - I was 23 years old - that age where your metabolism is supposed to be awesome and you look back and wish you still had that body. Not me!!!
Weight management was always a problem for me. Since I was a teenager I yoyo dieted, I went on exercise binges, food binges, verged on anorexia at one point...basically, I really abused my body and metabolism. After some emotional rough patches in 2010, I lost even more weight due to stress.
One day in 2012 (I think) I went to my Moms house for dinner and she said " I'm going gluten free". I was like "what in the world is that?!" When she explained it means eliminating bread and wheat based products, I thought she was CRAZY! Those were the things I loved the most!!! She was reading the book called "Wheat Belly" and explained to me that wheat today has been so hybridized, and genitically modified that our bodies don't accept or process it well. I borrowed the book and before I finished, I decided I will never, ever have wheat again if I can help it!
After about a year of being gluten free, I kept hearing about this Paleo Diet thing. I decided to get a book about it and research it myself. After I did, my family has now moved to a happy medium between being gluten-free and completely paleo. The Paleo lifestyle ( I definitely prefer this term because it really is about how you live, not about a temporary fix) eliminates all grains, legumes, dairy, processed foods, and sugar. We still eat some grains (rice for example) and legumes (black beans) but have eliminated processed sugars and dairy. At least in what I make at home.
I have to say, these changes to our diet have made a huge difference in my family! My sister lost 30 pounds being GF, and she continues to tweak her diet to find the right balance for her body. She has had several health issues that have also improved just by changing how she eats. My mom, who didn't have any weight to lose, lost even more weight, and maintains her weight easily, has lost brain fog, and has brighter skin. My husband and I both have more energy and he has lost the desire to take a nap every afternoon after lunch. My son has a better attitude, and does better overall. My husband and I have both noticed a big difference in the way we maintain our weight - it's so much easier. In addition to that - and this may be the best part- we NEVER count calories! The evil cycle of yoyo dieting, and counting calories is DONE! Over forever.
I know that changing how you live and eat is hard, but it's so totally worth it for us. We essentially eat whatever we want, but I just make it with better ingredients. The desserts are truly wonderful, and nobody, even our 10 year old, is unhappy with them.
So how do you start? What changes can you make? I've compiled a guide for you below. I absolutely want to encourage you to do your own research too. Reading all the articles, the books, the testimonials etc is really what convinced me. But if you boil it all down to the basics, I think we can all agree that a homemade dinner with chicken, spices, vegetables, and fruit is way better than KFC right?
Getting started - it's a 4 step process
Take your time! Adjust to each step before moving on to the next. Everyone will go at different rates, but it's a great thing that you are moving forward.
1) Gluten Free
We are all convinced that whole
grains are heart healthy right?! WRONG! They are so genetically modified, that
they are horrible for your body and your brain. As the gluten-free “movement”
has become more popular, more and more studies are coming out saying how bad it
is. Long story short, the original grains were fine (God knew what He was
doing!) – then because we wanted to be as efficient as possible, and keep our
crops from dying with weed killer and all those sorts of things, we have
modified it to a point that irritates our bodies.
Take away: Wheat (or
genetically modified substances in general) are harmful to EVERYONE. But people
may respond in different ways. Some general side effects of eating wheat are:
weight gain especially in the belly, stimulated appetite (the more you eat
bread the more you crave it), neurological irritations: it has been associated
with Alzheimer's, and dementia. It causes inflammation, and irritates symptoms
of ADD, ADHD, and schizophrenia. It also spikes your blood sugar – 2 pieces of
toast spike it more than a snickers bar – can you even believe it?
Everyone’s body reacts different
to this poison (yes poison!) and so your results in eliminating it will be different Because I want to empower you to
know the information for yourself, I'll give you resources as well:
Suggested
readings: Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis, and Grain Brain by Dr. David
Perlmutter. * I have not read grain brain, but have heard him speak a little
and heard many good things about this book – it focuses on the effect
grains have on your brain – I’ll give you a hint – they are ALL NEGATIVE!
2) No processed foods
Go into your pantry and throw out or give
away anything that is processed. Make
sure to look at your ingredients lists on EVERYTHING. Anything that is
processed is a no no! This means if it's not a whole food or you don't recognize an ingredient, pitch it! A lot of people when they go gluten free, tend to glom on
to the processed gluten free foods. Don’t do it! These have eliminated 1 evil,
by substituting another – lots of starches. They will spike your blood sugar also,
and we don’t want that.
Things to throw away include but are not limited to:
Creamers
Soda
Cereals
Pastas
Cookies
Candy
Ice cream
Chips
Bread
Crackers
*this step can be very overwhelming, so you
may want to wait a little while to implement this one. Keep reading for suggestions.
3) No processed sugar
Congratulations! If you have been successful with step 2, you have probably achieved this step already! If you're still cheating, try this for 2 weeks and see the difference. Implement it COMPLETELY for 1-2 weeks. No sugar whatsoever…then after the 1-2 weeks of no sugar at all, you can bring back NATURAL sugars. These include maple syrup, stevia, and honey. Regular white sugar is a no no for life. It too, is a poison.
(Once you have adjusted your lifestyle, gotten used to the foods you can eat and reached your goals, you can cheat occassionally. For example, I never eat wheat. Gluten free is a no compromise zone for me. But I will go out to eat and have a gluten free dessert (packed with sugar!) on occasion...)
4) NO dairy
I’ve tried to make these steps in the order
I think you should take them. Implement them one at a time, and adjust as you
need to. I placed this one last because many people’s reactions to lactose is
so minor, you may not notice it.
No yogurt –even Greek
No milk
No ice cream
No creamer*
No cheese
Suggested Readings:
Paleoista by Nell Stephenson.
How
to implement
Now that you know WHAT to do, how should
you do it?
Please take at least 1 week to implement
each step – if you have tried healthy eating before and you don’t think it will
be a big shock to your body, feel free to implement all at once – but do not
feel obligated to do so. I personally had headaches for several days in a row
once I eliminated dairy and sugar so make sure you are eating ENOUGH food, and
drinking LOTS of water.
DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED
if this is difficult, just slow down. As Tony Horton says –“ do your best, and forget the rest!!!!”. The most
important step is #1 – I hope you can all be successful with that 100%. The
other 3 are when I really started seeing even more positive changes, so
I hope you can implement those as well. Whatever you do, just keep moving forward.
One thing that has helped me tremendously is paleo blogs. I'll have a follow up post soon with all my recommendations for how to update your pantry and whose blogs have the best recipes!
A New Identy
Who knew a blog could have an identity crisis? Well, my blog thinks it's unique, and it really started wondering, "Who am I?" "What message do I want to send?" "What are my goals?"....
So after some coffee, chocolate and discussion, we decided "The Offensive Christian" just wasn't who my blog wanted to be, and we eventually agreed on a name change. How did we come up with Delightful Existence? Well, for starters, "Happy Girl", "The Happy Girl", "A Joyful Life" "Joyous Life", "The Happy Christian" ..(you get the point)... were all taken.
More than that however, my first name Kylene means "Delights in God" and my middle name is Joy. I am so glad my parents named me that way because it has seeped into my whole being. I also believe that our purpose on earth is to glorify God, and that existing in this world as his child is a delightful existence indeed. No matter what happens in life, HE is there to guide you and pick you up.
The first half of 2014, for example, has held many stressors for me and my husband whether they be dealing with the consequences of poor choices made years ago, work, or my seemingly constant health issues. Today in particular I have felt very frustrated because after a doctor's appointment I didn't get the answers I wanted. I don't particularly enjoy tests, and when possible I like to avoid prescriptions and find natural alternatives. So it's an ongoing journey, but regardless of how I feel physically every day, I have a deep Joy that comes from within because God is constantly looking out for me. I may loose my cool a few times along the way, but in the end how lucky am I?
The fact that I have the ability to GO to the doctor, chiropractor/nutritionist, OBGYN, dentist... is wonderful. The fact that I have the ability to buy healthy food and the time to make healthy meals is not lost on me. Can I just say, the INTERNET - how cool is it that I can google something like "gelatin and gut health", learn about it, and if I want to, go out to the magical Health Foods store and get it the same day? Plus let's face it, I wake up every morning in 'MURICA baby! Definitely cannot complain about that. All in all, life is good and I am truly thankful. Absolutely a Delightful Existence.
XO
**Special Contributor**
It's Cocoa again -shhhh don't tell my Mom I said this, but she has nooooo idea what an identity crisis is. My first name is Cocoa which by definition means "a chocolate powder made from roasted and ground cacao seeds."
.......
.......
?????
.......
I guess the implication is that I'm sweet, and enjoyable, so I go with it. But in regards to my middle name, I have so many I just don't even know what to tell you. My Grandma calls me "cocoa-nut", the little master calls me "cocoa-puff", daddy calls me "bean", mommy calls me "cocoa-precious","cocoa-chanel", and "coco-bean".....
......
......
I have a lot to think about, so I'm going to go bury myself under some blankets and....ok lets face it, I'm going to sleep.
So after some coffee, chocolate and discussion, we decided "The Offensive Christian" just wasn't who my blog wanted to be, and we eventually agreed on a name change. How did we come up with Delightful Existence? Well, for starters, "Happy Girl", "The Happy Girl", "A Joyful Life" "Joyous Life", "The Happy Christian" ..(you get the point)... were all taken.
More than that however, my first name Kylene means "Delights in God" and my middle name is Joy. I am so glad my parents named me that way because it has seeped into my whole being. I also believe that our purpose on earth is to glorify God, and that existing in this world as his child is a delightful existence indeed. No matter what happens in life, HE is there to guide you and pick you up.
The first half of 2014, for example, has held many stressors for me and my husband whether they be dealing with the consequences of poor choices made years ago, work, or my seemingly constant health issues. Today in particular I have felt very frustrated because after a doctor's appointment I didn't get the answers I wanted. I don't particularly enjoy tests, and when possible I like to avoid prescriptions and find natural alternatives. So it's an ongoing journey, but regardless of how I feel physically every day, I have a deep Joy that comes from within because God is constantly looking out for me. I may loose my cool a few times along the way, but in the end how lucky am I?
The fact that I have the ability to GO to the doctor, chiropractor/nutritionist, OBGYN, dentist... is wonderful. The fact that I have the ability to buy healthy food and the time to make healthy meals is not lost on me. Can I just say, the INTERNET - how cool is it that I can google something like "gelatin and gut health", learn about it, and if I want to, go out to the magical Health Foods store and get it the same day? Plus let's face it, I wake up every morning in 'MURICA baby! Definitely cannot complain about that. All in all, life is good and I am truly thankful. Absolutely a Delightful Existence.
XO
**Special Contributor**
It's Cocoa again -shhhh don't tell my Mom I said this, but she has nooooo idea what an identity crisis is. My first name is Cocoa which by definition means "a chocolate powder made from roasted and ground cacao seeds."
.......
.......
?????
.......
I guess the implication is that I'm sweet, and enjoyable, so I go with it. But in regards to my middle name, I have so many I just don't even know what to tell you. My Grandma calls me "cocoa-nut", the little master calls me "cocoa-puff", daddy calls me "bean", mommy calls me "cocoa-precious","cocoa-chanel", and "coco-bean".....
......
......
I have a lot to think about, so I'm going to go bury myself under some blankets and....ok lets face it, I'm going to sleep.
Pillows and Blankets are the BEST!
My name is Cocoa and occasionally I'll be posting on mommy's blog, just to keep things light. She gets busy and stressed out sometimes but I do my best to cuddle with her and make her smile. She tells me how adorable I am every day so I guess it works.
I live a great life, I really do. It's pretty cushy. Speaking of cushy, BLANKETS. Oh my gosh - you humans don't really appreciate them like you should. They are warm, and soft and...and...FLUFFY!!!! And I love them. I really do. But it's not just blankets, it's pillows and soft things in general. I love being surrounded by them all the time! I make little pillow forts and pop my head out. It's just perfect. At night, I love to sleep in between my mommy and daddy. Yep, RIGHT in between. I try to make sure they both know how much I love them equally. Sometimes I sleep all the way at their feet underneath the blankets, and sometimes up by Daddy's face, if it gets a little warm. I do my best to divide my time between them equally - one night I'll be smooshed up behind mommys knees, and the next I'll cram myself as close as I can get to Daddy's side. Every once in awhile, I'll even sleep with the little master, but I know who walks me, poops me and feeds me, so I usually cuddle a little more with them just to make sure the treats keep coming.
Anyway, not to get too far off point here - I hope you all have a wonderful week. If your day isn't going too well, grab a bone (or I hear you humans like something called coffee) and DEFINITELY wrap yourself in a blanket, because it's the BEST! I just know that will make your day better!
Welcome to my new blog!
Dear Friends,
My blog has had a facelift! New name, new colors, new fonts new IDEAS! After some consideration I decided to rename and reorganize my blog. If you have been following me long, you know that it was previously titled "The Offensive Christian". This wasn't because my goal in life is to offend people (quite the opposite actually!) but because I have noticed that as a female with a strong personality I tend to have opinions that people (usually other women) get all huffy about. So partially in frustration and also in sarcasm, I named my blog based on how I felt others perceived me. But that isn't my reality, and in the end... who really cares what other people think?
So allow me to reintroduce myself to you. I am 28 years old, (I refuse use the popular phrase 20-something because I embrace aging!) I have been married a little over a year, I have gained a 10 year old son in the process, and we have a sweet little baby girl named Cocoa Bean. Oh don't worry, that's our dog.
I love Jesus, my family, cooking, fitness, and singing all sorts of music. I received my bachelors degree in vocal performance (opera) December 2013 and since then I have been teaching piano lessons, being a stay at home mom, loving everyday with my husband, figuring out how to cook healthy foods for my family, and starting my own business SparklingDaisy Shoes. (shameless plug! www.sparklingdaisyshoes.com and www.facebook.com/sparklingdaisyshoes )
There are days when I'm busy, and there are days when I am totally bored. I felt like my previous blog title made people wary of clicking the link, and I also felt like it limited my ability to post non-religious things. Recently, with all my life changes, I want to post about a lot more than just religion and controversy and my strong opinions. Day to day, I am a happy person and I want to post happy things that are encouraging, inspiring, and motivational. God has truly blessed me and my family and I want that Joy to spill over to you!
So from now on, this blog will be a lot more fun - I'll share some of my favorite recipes, my musings on becoming an InstaMom, my thoughts on marriage (spoiler alert, it's AMAZING!), and maybe occasional workout tips. I want to become a personal trainer in the next 2 years after all!
I hope you feel welcome, and I hope that you will share my new blog!
My blog has had a facelift! New name, new colors, new fonts new IDEAS! After some consideration I decided to rename and reorganize my blog. If you have been following me long, you know that it was previously titled "The Offensive Christian". This wasn't because my goal in life is to offend people (quite the opposite actually!) but because I have noticed that as a female with a strong personality I tend to have opinions that people (usually other women) get all huffy about. So partially in frustration and also in sarcasm, I named my blog based on how I felt others perceived me. But that isn't my reality, and in the end... who really cares what other people think?
So allow me to reintroduce myself to you. I am 28 years old, (I refuse use the popular phrase 20-something because I embrace aging!) I have been married a little over a year, I have gained a 10 year old son in the process, and we have a sweet little baby girl named Cocoa Bean. Oh don't worry, that's our dog.
I love Jesus, my family, cooking, fitness, and singing all sorts of music. I received my bachelors degree in vocal performance (opera) December 2013 and since then I have been teaching piano lessons, being a stay at home mom, loving everyday with my husband, figuring out how to cook healthy foods for my family, and starting my own business SparklingDaisy Shoes. (shameless plug! www.sparklingdaisyshoes.com and www.facebook.com/sparklingdaisyshoes )
There are days when I'm busy, and there are days when I am totally bored. I felt like my previous blog title made people wary of clicking the link, and I also felt like it limited my ability to post non-religious things. Recently, with all my life changes, I want to post about a lot more than just religion and controversy and my strong opinions. Day to day, I am a happy person and I want to post happy things that are encouraging, inspiring, and motivational. God has truly blessed me and my family and I want that Joy to spill over to you!
So from now on, this blog will be a lot more fun - I'll share some of my favorite recipes, my musings on becoming an InstaMom, my thoughts on marriage (spoiler alert, it's AMAZING!), and maybe occasional workout tips. I want to become a personal trainer in the next 2 years after all!
I hope you feel welcome, and I hope that you will share my new blog!
Four steps to being HAPPY =)
Everyone wants to be happy right? But so many of us struggle with that very thing day to day. So how to you become a positive, happy, optimistic person? Recently, I have spent a lot of time and energy thinking on, and discovering exactly how to do that. My husband and I were talking about this and he made the comment: "A goal without a plan is just a wish."
1) Make a decision
Happiness is a choice. You must decide on a daily basis, that you want to be happy. You have to prioritize a happy attitude, a positive outlook and an optimistic mentality. This may come more easily to some people, but everyone has the ability to do it. I might describe myself as an optimist with a tendency towards depression. Ha! Surprising? I feel things quite deeply, and when I get sad I can get very very sad. So I try to make a conscious effort to keep my mind uplifted and choose on a regular basis to think about positive things.
2) Be Thankful
Studies have shown that even people predisposed to be more pessimistic, can become more optimistic by waking up each morning and coming up with three (new) things they are thankful for! This even worked with pessimistic old men in their 80's. If this can work with people at that age and with those habits, it can work for you!
3) Find what motivates you
Why do you want to be happy? What makes you happy? How can you motivate yourself? Do you want less stress in your relationships? Perhaps you just want to stop feeling cranky. Decide why you want what you want, and use it to your advantage. Once you know your goal, think of ways to remind yourself of that goal. I am a proponent of sticking things on your bathroom mirror. Come up with phrases that speak to you, motivate you, encourage you. (Pinterest and Google are great for that btw!) and then print them out and post them on your mirror so you wake up with positive thoughts immediately. Wherever they may help you, post little phrases, positive verses, or quotes that make you happy.
4) Read books about the subject.
I recently read "The Secret". I hear a few of you thinking "that isn't a Christian book....isn't that a little new agey?" well, no not really. All it says (and I still recommend you read it) is this: "Your thoughts control your life, and you control your thoughts." BOOM. How simple, yet profound! Embrace that, memorize it, remind yourself of it daily. YOU are in control of your mind and thoughts and therefore...your life!
As long as you know what you believe, I highly recommend reading books about being positive, happiness, and follow through, even if they aren't "Christian" books. I have found some really great insights and simplistic approaches that have been very helpful for me. Sometime I have even stopped and thought - "oh wow! If you think about this from a Christian perspective, the Bible really supports this idea!"
For example, one of my favorite verses of all time:
Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
God encourages us to think only on things that are positive!
The follow up book to "The Secret" is "The Power" - possibly a little more new agey... I haven't finished it yet. But the point to this book is that Love is the ultimate power in the universe. Think about that from a Biblical perspective though - God IS love right? (1John 4:16) God is the ultimate force in the universe. What lives inside us as Christians? The Holy Spirit - and we have the ability to love. What does God say is important over and over and over and over in Scripture? Loving Him, loving our neighbors, loving sinners etc.
1Cor 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
My point is this, be careful what you read, but don't always reject it because it doesn't have a Christian label on it, especially if the goal of the book is to help you become a happier person - there might be simple little phrases that click with you that help you really latch on to a concept in a way you haven't thought about it before!
I hope these simple tricks help you - they can be applied to many areas in your life! Just remember, happiness like anything in life requires a plan in order to become a reality - pursue it heartily and it will become your reality!
Here are some really fun bathroom mirror quotes =)
So - let's put together a happy plan =)
1) Make a decision
Happiness is a choice. You must decide on a daily basis, that you want to be happy. You have to prioritize a happy attitude, a positive outlook and an optimistic mentality. This may come more easily to some people, but everyone has the ability to do it. I might describe myself as an optimist with a tendency towards depression. Ha! Surprising? I feel things quite deeply, and when I get sad I can get very very sad. So I try to make a conscious effort to keep my mind uplifted and choose on a regular basis to think about positive things.
2) Be Thankful
Studies have shown that even people predisposed to be more pessimistic, can become more optimistic by waking up each morning and coming up with three (new) things they are thankful for! This even worked with pessimistic old men in their 80's. If this can work with people at that age and with those habits, it can work for you!
3) Find what motivates you
Why do you want to be happy? What makes you happy? How can you motivate yourself? Do you want less stress in your relationships? Perhaps you just want to stop feeling cranky. Decide why you want what you want, and use it to your advantage. Once you know your goal, think of ways to remind yourself of that goal. I am a proponent of sticking things on your bathroom mirror. Come up with phrases that speak to you, motivate you, encourage you. (Pinterest and Google are great for that btw!) and then print them out and post them on your mirror so you wake up with positive thoughts immediately. Wherever they may help you, post little phrases, positive verses, or quotes that make you happy.
4) Read books about the subject.
I recently read "The Secret". I hear a few of you thinking "that isn't a Christian book....isn't that a little new agey?" well, no not really. All it says (and I still recommend you read it) is this: "Your thoughts control your life, and you control your thoughts." BOOM. How simple, yet profound! Embrace that, memorize it, remind yourself of it daily. YOU are in control of your mind and thoughts and therefore...your life!
As long as you know what you believe, I highly recommend reading books about being positive, happiness, and follow through, even if they aren't "Christian" books. I have found some really great insights and simplistic approaches that have been very helpful for me. Sometime I have even stopped and thought - "oh wow! If you think about this from a Christian perspective, the Bible really supports this idea!"
For example, one of my favorite verses of all time:
Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
God encourages us to think only on things that are positive!
The follow up book to "The Secret" is "The Power" - possibly a little more new agey... I haven't finished it yet. But the point to this book is that Love is the ultimate power in the universe. Think about that from a Biblical perspective though - God IS love right? (1John 4:16) God is the ultimate force in the universe. What lives inside us as Christians? The Holy Spirit - and we have the ability to love. What does God say is important over and over and over and over in Scripture? Loving Him, loving our neighbors, loving sinners etc.
1Cor 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
My point is this, be careful what you read, but don't always reject it because it doesn't have a Christian label on it, especially if the goal of the book is to help you become a happier person - there might be simple little phrases that click with you that help you really latch on to a concept in a way you haven't thought about it before!
I hope these simple tricks help you - they can be applied to many areas in your life! Just remember, happiness like anything in life requires a plan in order to become a reality - pursue it heartily and it will become your reality!
Here are some really fun bathroom mirror quotes =)
Happy Anniversary!
This is 19 days premature, but my husband and I are about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary and I couldn't be more excited!
Years ago, I subscribed to the popular notion that the first 2 years of your marriage are the hardest, and if you make it through them, you are more likely to succeed. I'm sure that statistically that may be accurate, but boy oh boy if the past year was as rough as it will get, I'd say life is pretty golden!
If I could speak to young ladies 16-25, my desire would be for them to value themselves highly enough to never ever settle. And to know above all else, that marriage is a wonderful thing! Now that I have experienced that reality, I want everyone else to know it too!!!!
1) Fighting doesn't need to be a reality
For some reason, people think that fighting in a relationship is normal, and to be expected. Nooooooooo......it's not normal, and if you are in a dating relationship and you fight on a regular basis, move along. Don't ever step into more commitment unless you are ecstatically happy with the current relationship dynamics. There should be NO problems to work out when you are dating or engaged - just the sheer joy of being together and planning your future.
2) Marriage to your soulmate is amazing
That's right, I said it. I'm a total goon and believe in soulmates. I believe that there ARE right and wrong people to marry and that no, you cannot just "make it work" with whoever you choose, because if it isn't who God has chosen for you....well, it will just be extra hard. So when you wait for the right one, and God plops him into your lap, marriage is AMAZING! It's a partnership, a friendship, and a journey you can't create for yourself. This past year, life has brought things that we have both struggled with, and challenges we have had to face. But because we have faced them together, they don't seem as difficult. God has truly blessed me with a husband who is encouraging and loving and reminds me to put things into a broader perspective.
3) Fairytales do exist
I get uber annoyed when I hear people trying to push the pessimistic outlook of "fairytales don't exist and if you are looking for prince charming you will be disappointed." My response to that is if you think you will never find a perfect man, you certainly won't. If you believe you will find the perfect man, then you will.
Don't get me wrong, life happens. Things break, kids disobey, we all make mistakes and eventually say something that hurts the other person's feelings. But I 100% believe that I married the right man because every day with him is a happy one. Our love languages compliment one another well, and his patience goes far to keep disagreements at bay and communication open.
So Patrick, I am so thankful that you came to that movie with me, and kept asking to see me after you found out how much I like to talk :) I love everything about you, but particularly your desire to obey God, your generosity, patience, and humor. You are the most handsome man inside and out that I could possibly wish for, and I am so happy that we spent this past year cuddling and laughing together.
I cannot wait to multiply it times 50! You are my prince charming, and I love you!!
Years ago, I subscribed to the popular notion that the first 2 years of your marriage are the hardest, and if you make it through them, you are more likely to succeed. I'm sure that statistically that may be accurate, but boy oh boy if the past year was as rough as it will get, I'd say life is pretty golden!
If I could speak to young ladies 16-25, my desire would be for them to value themselves highly enough to never ever settle. And to know above all else, that marriage is a wonderful thing! Now that I have experienced that reality, I want everyone else to know it too!!!!
1) Fighting doesn't need to be a reality
For some reason, people think that fighting in a relationship is normal, and to be expected. Nooooooooo......it's not normal, and if you are in a dating relationship and you fight on a regular basis, move along. Don't ever step into more commitment unless you are ecstatically happy with the current relationship dynamics. There should be NO problems to work out when you are dating or engaged - just the sheer joy of being together and planning your future.
2) Marriage to your soulmate is amazing
That's right, I said it. I'm a total goon and believe in soulmates. I believe that there ARE right and wrong people to marry and that no, you cannot just "make it work" with whoever you choose, because if it isn't who God has chosen for you....well, it will just be extra hard. So when you wait for the right one, and God plops him into your lap, marriage is AMAZING! It's a partnership, a friendship, and a journey you can't create for yourself. This past year, life has brought things that we have both struggled with, and challenges we have had to face. But because we have faced them together, they don't seem as difficult. God has truly blessed me with a husband who is encouraging and loving and reminds me to put things into a broader perspective.
3) Fairytales do exist
I get uber annoyed when I hear people trying to push the pessimistic outlook of "fairytales don't exist and if you are looking for prince charming you will be disappointed." My response to that is if you think you will never find a perfect man, you certainly won't. If you believe you will find the perfect man, then you will.
Don't get me wrong, life happens. Things break, kids disobey, we all make mistakes and eventually say something that hurts the other person's feelings. But I 100% believe that I married the right man because every day with him is a happy one. Our love languages compliment one another well, and his patience goes far to keep disagreements at bay and communication open.
So Patrick, I am so thankful that you came to that movie with me, and kept asking to see me after you found out how much I like to talk :) I love everything about you, but particularly your desire to obey God, your generosity, patience, and humor. You are the most handsome man inside and out that I could possibly wish for, and I am so happy that we spent this past year cuddling and laughing together.
I cannot wait to multiply it times 50! You are my prince charming, and I love you!!
Tap into your Joy. 5 Steps to a more confident you!
My husband and I have been struck recently with the
realization that many people around us seem to be guilt ridden and insecure.
This is something I have been through. I have often struggled with insecurity
and anxiety, which I believe comes from guilt. You feel guilty about something you
should be doing. Regardless, this is not how God wants us to live our lives! This
seems to be a particular issue among the Christian community. I’m going to
throw out some steps to becoming a more well adjusted, self confident you.
1.
Cut it out! STOP feeling guilty about
everything.
So you are tired and skip church one
Sunday? Who cares? Your relationship is between you and God, not the rest of
the world. Stop caring what Suzie who sits in pew 4 seat 6 thinks when she notices
you aren’t there, and start caring about how often you are in communication with
your creator. After all, we are supposed to pray without ceasing. In my mind,
that means constant communication with our God. Walking throughout your day and
thanking him for your blessings, asking him for wisdom, praising him for the
sunshine etc etc….
We all lead busy lives. Stay at home moms,
working moms, college students, newlyweds, careers, etc … Many struggle with
balancing home, church school and other things. I’ve been there, I get it! But just
do it. That sounds harsh, but seriously. How much time to you spend worrying
and stressing out, and feeling guilty? Prioritize: Today I need to study for the
test next week. Tomorrow, I have time and I want to make that dinner for my
significant other. The next day… and so forth.
3.
Have a
sense of humor :)
I see people get stressed out over crazy
things. I’ll give you an example: Yesterday the traffic was CRAZY – and I hate
traffic like most people. Took me forever to get home. I was planning on making
these brownies that I love and I was sure that I had all the ingredients except
for the chocolate chips. So I ran to Walmart with Keegan. I get a specific
dairy free type of chocolate chip and because it’s Walmart, they only had minis
which is not what I wanted, but ok. So I grabbed that, came home and realized I
was missing another main ingredient. Bummer! Then I was walking around my house
and realized just how messy it was – like, in every room.
Another example - before I was married and committed myself 100% to be an insta-mom, Patrick went on a business trip and left me in charge of the pets and Keegan for a day. No big deal - I can handle this! Well, Keegan got sick. I mean SICK. He knocked on my door in the middle of the night to let me know of the bodily fluids spewing forth from his tiny body. I cleaned it up, put him back to bed, and repeated the cycle 3-4 more times that night into the wee hours. I had some tests at school the next day but he wasn't feeling well, so I skipped the first class. Later in the day, we made it to school and I took a test while he slept on the floor. then we came home (all excited to nap) and found the dog had eaten the cats medicine! ACK! Off to the vet we go - Keegan is passing out, I'm sitting at the vet and I start laughing. Literally nothing else could have gone wrong - but who cares. The dog came back, stomach pumped, and kept throwing up the rest of the day (which I became very adept at catching by the way). Instead of freaking out, I wrote a poem about it.
4.
Take charge of your life. Set boundaries.
Often, when I hear stories of emotional
distress, it’s because someone feels out of control. Your kids are driving you
nuts? Yeah, mine drives me nuts too, but I realize that I’m the adult and I am
in control. You have the power to set boundaries. YOU are in control. Remember
that.
5.Stop being so Jesusy all the time
*GASP* *whaaaaaaat?!?!?!?* Seriously. Cut it
out. It’s obnoxious to the rest of the world.
I love Jesus. I love going to church, I
love learning, I love the people at my church etc etc…BUT I hate being around
super Jesusy people – so much pressure! I don’t like it when people just say
things because they are in a church group and they think it’s expected of them.
“well, I need to go to church more often.” “My spiritual walk isn’t what it
should be.” “I need to be in the word more frequently….it’s a real struggle”.
Either fix it, or stop feeling bad about it.
b-
Some people just don’t like to pray in public or
make everything they do about a spiritual experience. Some of the most godly
people I know dislike group prayer – just not comfortable with it and THAT’S OK.
You don’t have to be someone you aren’t in church. Stop being a follower, and
start figuring out who you are.
c-
Church is time for you to worship – not to get
attention. I kind of have a thing against long prayer circles where we all
share the tiniest details in our life and share prayer requests. Often, it ends
up being a gossip circle. I don’t need to know about your second cousins aunt
who lost her wallet. What’s probably more effective is to have a few friends
you are close to, or maybe your family, who can pray for you on a regular
basis.
We are to reflect Jesus right? Who has ever been more self confident? He didn’t care what others thought – ESPECIALLY when they were super religious people. Those were the people he got the most upset with. Instead, he was a sincere, real person who loved everyone, and witnessed through his life, actions, and words. Let’s be like that!
Jesus came so that we would recognize that we are born with
a sin nature, repent, and turn to Him for our salvation. Once we do that
though, the guilt should stop. The self deprecation, the “I’m not good enough”
moments, the “I’m so imperfect” thoughts should STOP. When you become a
Christian, you should be filled with confidence. You are a CHILD OF GOD. You
are filled with the most incredible, magically, supernatural thing in
existence- the Holy Spirit. You have God on your side. Plus, if you are reading
this you probably live in the United States of America – so really – what could
possible warrant a meltdown? We are so blessed.
I understand where the guilt nature comes from – we recognize how unworthy we are to be called
into God’s kingdom. But I’m going to make a statement that may or may not
surprise you. I believe guilt is from the devil. That’s right, so stop feeling
guilty. Embrace your freedom in Christ. Embrace the blessings, embrace the
confidence that YOU are filled with the Holy Spirit. YOU can take charge of
your life. YOU can set boundaries.
Happiness is dependent on our circumstances, but Joy comes
from the Holy Spirit and fills us up regardless of what happens to us on a
daily basis. Tap into your JOY!
Sometimes it's ok to be selfish
 |
| WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?! |
Yes, I said it. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish. But before you get all righteously offended at me, let me explain what I mean. I'm talking about the kind of selfish that benefits others in the long run. But that's not really selfish is it? Exactly. If you are a wife and/or a mother then I am talking to you. If you are a husband, I'm also talking to you.
I realized the other day that my husband is champion of women. Wow. What an amazing thought! So how in the world does he do this?
1) There are no spousal roles in our house. That's right, I am not expected to make dinner every night. Do I? Almost always. Do I feel like I have to? Nope. If I feel guilty about making a boring dinner - let's say chicken and peas- it's my own fault. My husband reminds me it's not my JOB to make dinner and he usually says he likes my boring dinners anyway. Now just to clarify, I try to keep the house clean and dinner on the table- my husband works hard throughout the day and I stay at home. But I am working on my own business, rehearsing for some performances, and life gets busy. There are plenty of times where he picks up the slack!
2) My husband has some moral conviction that he can never buy me anything kitchen or cleaning related for a birthday or Christmas. At first this made me laugh, but now I appreciate it. HE did break this rule for Christmas - this year he bought me a KitchenAid mixer. It was on my request list and he still felt guilty haha!
3) He always encourages me to do things that make me feel good, like getting a haircut, going to get my nails done. If I mention it, he says I should go do it.
Do you know what all these things make me want to do? Cook and clean, and save his money! I get busy and the house gets messy and sometimes I make boring dinners. But if my husband says something off hand about our room needing to be cleaned, I will take a day and make it spotless. Instead of feeling like it's my wifely duty, I feel like it's a gift - one that I want to give him! When Keegan tells Patrick that he loves weekends because I make fun things like pancakes, it makes me want to make more treats! And when Patrick tells me to go get a manicure, I almost never take him up on it because I would rather save the money.
Knowing that I have the freedom to treat myself makes me feel special though! If I am really tired, I can just take a day and relax.
This is where I want to talk about being selfish. If you are a mom, or a wife, sometimes you can get overwhelmed with what you label your DUTIES in the house. I see women all the time that are overrun with kids, and the house. They give up simple pleasures like getting their hair styled on a regular basis, or a mani/pedi with their girlfriends. I understand that finances can be a part of giving these things up - but I would encourage you to find out what makes you feel special and budget for it. I know for me, I love haircuts. They help me feel good about my appearance and get one every 6 weeks or so. I get to talk to my stylist for about an hour, I get that awesome head massage, and end up with a happy attitude. For others it might be a monthly Starbucks budget. Maybe for some of you it's a monthly mani/pedi with those awesome soaks and massages. Does going to the gym on a regular basis make you feel better? Do it! Maybe you like fashion and you want to buy a new piece of clothing once a month. Whatever it is that makes you feel beautiful, sexy and womanly, make it a priority.
"But, I have kids and I can't spend money on myself!" And, "Wait, isn't this really self focused?" Yes! And No! You are an example to your children - it's ok to prioritize yourself to an extent. It's ok to take time away from them to feel beautiful. After all, they see that too. It's a good thing for children to see a happy, energized, confident mommy! I'm pretty sure your husband won't argue too much on that point either!
So husbands, be a champion to your wife- encourage her to do things that make her feel beautiful and tell her you will watch the kids while she does it. Wives, don't feel guilty about doing those things!
Here's to a happy, beautiful you in 2014!
Positive Thinking can Change Your Life
Negative Nancy woke up one day
But she had nothing nice to say
Her car wouldn’t start so she had to pay
And so began a very bad day
She huffed and she puffed but nothing changed
Except that she made others feel the same
Her furrowed brow and her turned down lips
Made none want to hug her, not even one bit.
Joyful June woke up the same morn
Only to notice her favorite dress torn
She was sad, but she thought “I can get this fixed”
And headed downtown to the seamstress who stitched.
She walked into the shop with a smile on her face
And the seamstress smiled back and asked her to wait
A few hours later, her dress was fixed right
And the seamstress went home having a new friend that night
Your actions have consequences one way or another
You can smile and make friends, or just be a bother
Negative Nancy never had any friends
But that is a terribly sad way to end
Joyful June has friends galore
and always smiles and gathers more.
So tomorrow be careful with the choices you make
Your life can be empty, or it can be great!
Like that? I just made it up =) I have been thinking a lot recently about positivity and it's importance in our lives. What we value is what we think about, what we think about affects our daily attitude, and our daily attitude affects those around us. Do you see where I'm going with this? Negativity in your life affects more people than just yourself. On the flip side, positivity can do the exact same thing! Your attitude can affect your own happiness, your marriage, your friendships, your work life, your parenting, your success. Really, it can affect EVERYTHING in your life! I'd say it's a pretty important thing, so let's talk about it.
Before you assume that I have always had a happy life and it's just my nature to be happy all the time, I want to assure you that I have gone through the ringer myself. Between the ages of 5-25, I had experienced sexual abuse, depression, breakups, extreme OCD, body image issues bordering on anorexia, and divorce after my husband had an affair. WHEW! I had the ability to learn and grow, or to wallow in self-pity. If my mom ever caught me wallowing you know what she told me? “Go do something for other people and stop focusing on yourself.” Yeah, my Mom is pretty brilliant. I remember one day my Dad forcing me out of bed to eat dinner – what a support they were/are to me. God has overcome my trials and my life is more fulfilled than ever. Isn't He good?
Your attitude, and your happiness are a mentality. It's a CHOICE you make. It is a decision you make every day. Your attitude is based on your value system. Negativity is selfish. It really is. I can’t think of an example where negativity comes out of anything but self-focus. That’s not what God wants in our lives. He said in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for HOPE and a future." If we really believe that verse, what do we have to be so cranky about? We have hope! We have a future!
I am an extreme proponent of what goes in, also comes out. Just as you nourish or harm your body with food, you can nourish or harm your mind with what you put in it. It is so very VERY important to monitor what goes in your mind, eyes and ears. What movies you watch - what conversations you have - what you read - it ALL affects you. It's not just important when you are children - it's important your WHOLE LIFE. Your mind is an extremely powerful thing, and you can either control it, or it can control you.
We have the ability to encourage those that surround us, or we have the ability to tear them down. How do we act towards, or speak to, our friends, children and spouses?
Friends - When you get together with your friends, it's easy to slip into vent-mode. And sometimes that's ok. You have had a long day, your kids are driving you nuts, and you want to share your frustrations with someone that experiences similar things. Everyone needs that now and again - just be careful. 1) Don't drag it out. If you need to vent, get it over with and preferably, find some sort of solution to your problem. Hopefully by the end of the conversation you haven’t just dwelt on the negative, but perhaps you have also communicated some of your goals. 2) Watch what you say about your family to other people. Make sure that the friends you have to talk to are ones that don't just listen, but ENCOURAGE YOU. If you are venting, most likely you need some encouraging words, or advice on how to resolve the issues. Find someone who is bold enough to tell you those things. Negativity breeds negativity and positivity breeds positivity. Surround yourself with friends that uplift you, not friends that encourage you to wallow!
Children - they know just what buttons to push don't they? But they are also your gift from God. They are a constant blessing, a constant reminder of what is truly important in life. I have no problem disciplining or putting Keegan in his place when it is deserved - it's all part of growing up. I don't ever want to become someone that really loses it. It shouldn't become more about me than it does really trying to instruct the child in what is right. Really think about this - if you were to lose your child/children tomorrow, how would you speak to them today?
It's important to have a positive attitude around your children. They usually mirror our attitude and actions. WE as parents have the ability to change our child's perspective. We have the power to encourage them, to speak positive things to them, and to build them up. One thing we periodically do in my family, is print out positive sayings and post them on Keegan's bathroom mirror. Sometimes they are intended to remind him to have a positive attitude when he has been struggling with that, and sometimes they are to remind him that we love him. They are always happy and encouraging, because we want to train his mind to be happy.
Marriage - I learned quite a bit from my divorce and my value system was completely changed. Since I have gone through that part of my life and grown as an individual, I realize what is and is not important, so much more than I used to. If something gets broken - is it the end of the world? No. If your husband asks you the same question 10x in a row - does that REALLY matter? No. Patrick’s value system also changed in the past several years and I get to reap the benefits as well. As my Mom might say, I’m a messy and he is a neaty. I tend to drop clothes on the floor for a few days until it bugs me and then I have a cleaning spree, then the cycle repeats itself. My husband is typically much more organized than that. As an example, I have bobby pins all over the house. I nap, they fall out, I put them in my pocket, whatever. I also forget to take them out of the shower and sometimes they leave little rust marks. Does this annoy my husband? Sure. Should I make a mental note of that and make more of an effort? Absolutely. However, my husband NEVER yells about those things. Why? Because bobypins around the house are less important to him than our relationship. In the long run, what really matters? Communication is important and if something bugs you, you should tell the other person, but that does not mean it constitutes a fight.
I once heard that marriage should be 100/100 not 50/50. That way, when one spouse isn't at 100%, the other has it covered and vice versa. It's a support team. It's what you value. Do you spend the day thinking of ways to make your spouse happy? If so, you probably think less and less about yourself, and you have started a positive thinking cycle. By the way, usually when you start doing kind things for your spouse, they do kind things for you too! (See my blog post on the 5 Love Languages for more ideas of how to love your spouse!)
Speaking of staying positive in your marriage- don't throw your spouse under the bus when you hang out with your friends. It's not funny, and it's not encouraging. A lot of people make comments thinking they are being funny, but in reality, its a way to share a frustration they have. "oh you know how men are, I have to do everything around the house!" “My husband wouldn’t know how to the load the dishwasher if his life depended on it (giggle)” Silly examples maybe, but you get my point. If it bothers you, talk to HIM about it - don't just assume your life has to be that way. Secondly, it's not cool to make fun of your spouse or to share their struggles with other people. Your spouse needs to be the person you go to - not the person you blab about in a gossip circle. If your spouse knows you speak highly of them in public, that alone is an encouragement to them. Verbally affirm them daily to their face and let them know you love/respect/value them!
One thing you can do – today – right now, is start posting verses around your house. Not just any verses. You need to choose specific verses that retrain your mind to drop the guilt, and focus on God’s promises. Let me explain what I mean:
The entire Bible is God’s inspired Word. That being said, what you meditate on may vary based on your personality. If you struggle with depression, anxiety or guilt, I probably wouldn’t start with:
Phil 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Do you know what I would tell you to avoid focusing too much on that verse? Well, if you are already in guilt/anger/depression mode – focusing on something you struggle with isn’t going to help you. Reading a verse day after day telling you not to be anxious when all you feel like you can be is anxious isn’t going to encourage you. Should you choose to memorize them anyway, read them with the understanding that God is not giving you a command and if you are anxious you are sinning (guilt alert !! guilt alert !!). Rather, He is communicating that He loves you and wants the best for you. Anxiety causes all sorts of mental and physical problems, and because of His great love for us, He doesn’t want us to experience those things.
I would suggest focusing on verses that contain God’s promises – verses of hopefulness – promises of GRACE.
Here are a few you may want to start with:
Phil 4:8-9 (one of my personal favorites)
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a future.
Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace have you been saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Not of works, lest any man should boast.
Ephesians 2:4-6
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus
John 14:2-4
My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Think of one thing you can do each day this week that has a positive impact – tell your children you love them and give them a hug at night – tell your husband you value him – wash the dishes for your wife without her asking – write her a note on the coffee machine so she sees it when she wakes up. Start your day with positive thoughts, and end it with happy dreams J
Get Your Soul Fit
Happy Monday Friends =)
If you have read any of my past blogs, you may have some understanding of difficulties I have gone through emotionally the past 5 years or so. There have been many struggles in my life, and many have related to church. I am very happy that through these various scenarios I am able to remember that God is not the church - God is perfection and will always be there. He is constant and that is such a comfort. Humans, fallible as we are, are judgmental and insecure creatures - and it is WE who make up the church.
I am unhappy to report, that I still struggle with some of these past issues, and this week I had a long conversation with my husband about it. I, like many of you perhaps, want people to like me. I enjoy having friends and I love spending time with people. It still hurts sometimes, when I remember having "friends" I believed I could count on who hurt me very deeply. More than that, it hurts when I believe these people are sincere Christians and yet they don't seem bothered by the hurt they caused. I cannot control them, and I cannot re-do the past. All I can do is be in charge of my own actions and this....THIS is what bothers me even more than losing those friendships....my resistance to forgive without forgiveness being asked for.
The sermon this Sunday came at an opportune time. All these thoughts and frustrations were running through me Saturday night and on Sunday, the words from the pastor really hit home. The sermon series is called "Get Fit" and this particular week was about how we get our souls in shape.
The part I want to share is Ephesians 3:14-19
For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
He made the point that if our inner life is strong, if our souls are strong, then it doesn't matter what happens in our outer life, we can still be content. So how do we do it? Meditate on the width, length, height and depth of God's love for us.
Width - God's love is for EVERYONE. It eliminates the possibility for judgment, racism, and the feeling of worthlessness.
Length - God will never forsake us, no matter what we do - we cannot outrun Him, He will always find us and love us and be there.
Depth - Jesus descended to rescue us - He brought Himself down to our level and became a human, giving up everything for us. He died for the sins of the ENTIRE world, and experienced that pain in our place
Height - Where God wants to take us. We will be like God, and we will be with Him for all eternity. He wants us to enjoy what He enjoys and to share all of His riches, and love with us in the end.
What a great reminder for me this week. Where does insecurity, self-pity, and depression fit into this? It doesn't - it can't! I'm going to be working on filling my soul with positive thoughts and whipping it back into shape spiritually. How silly to worry about the past. How blessed I am, and how wonderful my life is. He has brought me through - and what a beautiful reminder of the future God has in store for us!
To hear the sermon click HERE
Critially Thinking in Church
Today I want to pose a question to you - do you know what you believe? And do you know why?
Suppose you are sitting in church, and your pastor says something unscriptural. More to the point, let's say your pastor says something unscriptural and NO ONE notices.
In 2 Timothy we are told:
"In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; [to] correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." 2 Tim 4:1-5
How are we to be equipped, if we don't know what the Bible says? We, as individual believers, have a responsibility. It's easy to fall into the group of people who believe that the scripture is complicated and so those who have been to seminary, or have a degree in theology, must understand it better. I heartily disagree.
A quote I read recently and unfortunately I cannot find it to give credit to the author, essentially stated "The Bible is simple enough for everyone to understand, yet deep enough for theologians to debate forever." I often try to communicate the first part of that statement. The Bible was written so that common man could read it, understand the gospel, and come to Christ. Sure it has complicated things in it like the Trinity, but through the Holy Spirit, we gain understanding.
In the New Testament we are warned against false teachers:
"As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain people not to teach false doctrines any longer 4 or to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing God’s work—which is by faith. 5 The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. 6 Some have departed from these and have turned to meaningless talk. 7 They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm" 1 Tim 1:3-7
and
"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3 but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world" 1 Jn 4:1-3
These passages are obviously talking about teachers/preachers who do not accept Jesus as the Son of God. Clearly, we need to be aware of these things - false teachers, cults, lies in our culture. We also need to be aware of the scariest of all lies too - those that appear to be the Truth.
"And I will keep on doing what I am doing in order to cut the ground from under those who want an opportunity to be considered equal with us in the things they boast about. 13 For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. 14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15 It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve." 2 Cor 11:12-15
Even if we are part of a church who believes what we believe, and is filled with sincere believers whose lives have been transformed through Jesus, it doesn't mean we can stop listening. Why? Because all humans are fallible. Teachers, preachers, priests, popes. Yup, all fallible.
I have personally been in a church where the pastor preached on something completely false. He had an opinion that was utterly unscriptural. To my dismay, almost no one outside of my family seemed to be bothered by it. Did they not hear the lie? Were they not listening? Or did they simply not know what the Bible says clearly enough to hear the difference?
Inevitably, there will come a time in your life where you are faced with this dilemma because inevitably your pastor, preist, teacher, or pope, will say something you don't believe. Which side do you end up on - the side of tradition, teacher, leader (all human based) - or the side of the Bible. And how do you know which side to choose, if you don't know what the Truth really is?
Suppose you are sitting in church, and your pastor says something unscriptural. More to the point, let's say your pastor says something unscriptural and NO ONE notices.
In 2 Timothy we are told:
"In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; [to] correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." 2 Tim 4:1-5
How are we to be equipped, if we don't know what the Bible says? We, as individual believers, have a responsibility. It's easy to fall into the group of people who believe that the scripture is complicated and so those who have been to seminary, or have a degree in theology, must understand it better. I heartily disagree.
A quote I read recently and unfortunately I cannot find it to give credit to the author, essentially stated "The Bible is simple enough for everyone to understand, yet deep enough for theologians to debate forever." I often try to communicate the first part of that statement. The Bible was written so that common man could read it, understand the gospel, and come to Christ. Sure it has complicated things in it like the Trinity, but through the Holy Spirit, we gain understanding.
In the New Testament we are warned against false teachers:
"As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain people not to teach false doctrines any longer 4 or to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing God’s work—which is by faith. 5 The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. 6 Some have departed from these and have turned to meaningless talk. 7 They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm" 1 Tim 1:3-7
and
"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3 but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world" 1 Jn 4:1-3
These passages are obviously talking about teachers/preachers who do not accept Jesus as the Son of God. Clearly, we need to be aware of these things - false teachers, cults, lies in our culture. We also need to be aware of the scariest of all lies too - those that appear to be the Truth.
"And I will keep on doing what I am doing in order to cut the ground from under those who want an opportunity to be considered equal with us in the things they boast about. 13 For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. 14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15 It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve." 2 Cor 11:12-15
Even if we are part of a church who believes what we believe, and is filled with sincere believers whose lives have been transformed through Jesus, it doesn't mean we can stop listening. Why? Because all humans are fallible. Teachers, preachers, priests, popes. Yup, all fallible.
I have personally been in a church where the pastor preached on something completely false. He had an opinion that was utterly unscriptural. To my dismay, almost no one outside of my family seemed to be bothered by it. Did they not hear the lie? Were they not listening? Or did they simply not know what the Bible says clearly enough to hear the difference?
Inevitably, there will come a time in your life where you are faced with this dilemma because inevitably your pastor, preist, teacher, or pope, will say something you don't believe. Which side do you end up on - the side of tradition, teacher, leader (all human based) - or the side of the Bible. And how do you know which side to choose, if you don't know what the Truth really is?
 |
| Don't be a sheep - it's baaaaaaaad :-) |
Resolutions for a New Year
I have mixed feelings about New Years Resolutions - January 1st seems like the best time to set goals because you feel as if it's a new beginning, a new start. On the other hand, resolutions have so many negative connotations surrounding them because many give up on them by the end of January.
In 2013, I made many lifestyle changes. I like that term a bit more because it has a sense of permanence to it. I graduated college, I went to New York for a whirlwind summer of training, I got married to the sexiest man alive, had a beautiful honeymoon, moved in with my new family, learned how to be a Mom, and worked on my healthy lifestyle. I am a little more strict with my diet than my husband and son are, but even they are gluten free. I am also processed sugar free, and dairy free now.
While there were many successes in the past year, and it is difficult to imagine a year that tops 2013, I am confident in my belief that 2014 will also hold many happy moments. To that end, I have a few "resolutions" if we want to call them that.
1) Be more active in my family's time together with Jesus.
When I met Patrick and Keegan, I was a huge Jesus advocate. Patrick and I decided where we wanted to attend church together as a family, we started doing nightly devotions with Keegan, I found an Awana program for Keegan to participate in etc....As the years progressed and we became busier, (and admittedly, when I moved in) my efforts weren't as strong. The foundation had been established, and I had a lot to do while finishing up school. This year, I hope that changes. Just in time, my parents provided each of their children with a book for Christmas. It's called "The Joshua Code". It has 52 verses with a little devotional attached to each. The point, is to memorize 1 verse a week for a year - following the scriptural command to meditate on God's word day and night, and hide it in your heart. I am really excited about this. As with anything else, it is always easier when you have a support team and so the fact that my family will be participating with me is so great! My brother-in-law even suggested we have a game at the beginning of next year to test who can recall the most verses. We aren't competitive or anything =)
2) Be a better Mom.
The progression over the past 2 years from being a stranger to a mom has been awesome. It's still a new thing however, and while there is a lot I have already learned, there is always more I can do. I want to be someone he trusts and confides in through life.
3) Follow through on any goal/dream I have
Auditions, competitions, anything that comes my way - I do not want to hesitate or think twice. If it seems interesting, I want to hit it head on and see what happens.
4) Pursue my new business and decide if I want to go full time
I recently had a - may I say - BRILLIANT idea for starting my own business. The next few months will be spent experimenting with it, and seeing how much I really love it - is it a passion? Do I want to do it full time/part time/hobby? I'll go from there. Thankfully, I have a supportive husband who wants me to pursue it and will help me think through the business side of things. By June I should know where this is heading.
5) Be Fit
In the past 2 years, I and my family have made drastic changes to our eating lifestyles. We are loving it! Now, I want to see how fit I can get! I'm in decent shape already, so my goal is to see how far I can go - I'll focus a lot more on strength training than I'm used to. I've even put together a food and fitness challenge for some friends who wanted to participate in getting fit this year. It's almost like a little side job. Loving that so far too.
6) Love my husband
Not that it's much of a challenge. I love being married to him, and we fall deeper in love each day. I understand that I cannot be complacent though, so really this isn't a goal for 2014, this is a goal every day for the rest of my life to keep that momentum going :)
Happy New Year to You!
In 2013, I made many lifestyle changes. I like that term a bit more because it has a sense of permanence to it. I graduated college, I went to New York for a whirlwind summer of training, I got married to the sexiest man alive, had a beautiful honeymoon, moved in with my new family, learned how to be a Mom, and worked on my healthy lifestyle. I am a little more strict with my diet than my husband and son are, but even they are gluten free. I am also processed sugar free, and dairy free now.
While there were many successes in the past year, and it is difficult to imagine a year that tops 2013, I am confident in my belief that 2014 will also hold many happy moments. To that end, I have a few "resolutions" if we want to call them that.
1) Be more active in my family's time together with Jesus.
When I met Patrick and Keegan, I was a huge Jesus advocate. Patrick and I decided where we wanted to attend church together as a family, we started doing nightly devotions with Keegan, I found an Awana program for Keegan to participate in etc....As the years progressed and we became busier, (and admittedly, when I moved in) my efforts weren't as strong. The foundation had been established, and I had a lot to do while finishing up school. This year, I hope that changes. Just in time, my parents provided each of their children with a book for Christmas. It's called "The Joshua Code". It has 52 verses with a little devotional attached to each. The point, is to memorize 1 verse a week for a year - following the scriptural command to meditate on God's word day and night, and hide it in your heart. I am really excited about this. As with anything else, it is always easier when you have a support team and so the fact that my family will be participating with me is so great! My brother-in-law even suggested we have a game at the beginning of next year to test who can recall the most verses. We aren't competitive or anything =)
2) Be a better Mom.
The progression over the past 2 years from being a stranger to a mom has been awesome. It's still a new thing however, and while there is a lot I have already learned, there is always more I can do. I want to be someone he trusts and confides in through life.
3) Follow through on any goal/dream I have
Auditions, competitions, anything that comes my way - I do not want to hesitate or think twice. If it seems interesting, I want to hit it head on and see what happens.
4) Pursue my new business and decide if I want to go full time
I recently had a - may I say - BRILLIANT idea for starting my own business. The next few months will be spent experimenting with it, and seeing how much I really love it - is it a passion? Do I want to do it full time/part time/hobby? I'll go from there. Thankfully, I have a supportive husband who wants me to pursue it and will help me think through the business side of things. By June I should know where this is heading.
5) Be Fit
In the past 2 years, I and my family have made drastic changes to our eating lifestyles. We are loving it! Now, I want to see how fit I can get! I'm in decent shape already, so my goal is to see how far I can go - I'll focus a lot more on strength training than I'm used to. I've even put together a food and fitness challenge for some friends who wanted to participate in getting fit this year. It's almost like a little side job. Loving that so far too.
6) Love my husband
Not that it's much of a challenge. I love being married to him, and we fall deeper in love each day. I understand that I cannot be complacent though, so really this isn't a goal for 2014, this is a goal every day for the rest of my life to keep that momentum going :)
Happy New Year to You!
Capitalism and Christianity
Christianity
and the Capitalistic Free Market System
Introduction
Many
people debate whether Christianity supports socialism because of the apparent
selfless nature of sharing that it seems to support, or if Christianity is a
proponent for a free market economy. In this paper, I will provide some reasons
why I believe that Christianity supports a capitalistic, free market system.
There is
never a better place to start than from the beginning, so to start with a
foundational understanding I want to define Capitalism and the Free Market:
According to the Merriam Webster
dictionary, capitalism is defined as:
“A way of organizing an economy so that the things that are used to
make and transport products (such as land, oil, factories, ships, etc.) are
owned by individual people and companies rather than by the government: an
economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods, by investments that are determined by private decision, and by
prices, production, and the distribution of goods that are determined mainly by
competition in a free market”
In summary, the concept of a capitalistic
free market means that the economy is most successful when business owners and
entrepreneurs are able to freely start and own their own businesses, compete
for that business and its success, and do so without much interference from the
government.
In order to demonstrate how Christian belief
supports this system, I will go through some main tenets of what comprises a
capitalistic system. The points I will cover are: working for profit, owning
property (private ownership), investment, and government involvement in the
running of the economic system. In addition to citing Christian economists who
have dedicated time and research to this topic, I will primarily support this
belief with passages from the Bible, since the foundation of Christian belief
comes solely from it.
Work for profit
In the beginning, God created the world, and
He created it perfectly. The Bible says that He created the world in 6 days and
that He rested on the 7th.
“By the seventh day God had finished the work He had
been doing; so on the seventh day He rested from all His work.” Gen 2:2
This was explicitly done as an example for
us. God did not need rest for Himself, but this timeline of a workweek followed
by a day of rest was a template for His creation to duplicate.
Once God created the first man, He instantly
gave the instructions to work and be productive. I found it interesting that
the first recorded interaction between God and Adam, was God placing Adam in the
Garden of Eden with the directive to work the land. We see this in the second
chapter of the Bible.
“Now no
shrub had yet appeared on the earth and no plant had yet sprung up, for the Lord God had not sent rain on
the earth and there was no one to work the ground, but streams
came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. Then
the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his
nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being…The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and
take care of it.” Gen 2:5-7, 15
The Bible also chastises
the sluggard and discourages laziness. For example, in Proverbs 10:4 it says, “Lazy hands make for
poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.” (It’s ok to profit
from your work). Also, in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 “The one who is unwilling to
work shall not eat.” And in Proverbs 20:4 “Sluggards do not plow in season; so at harvest time
they look but find nothing”.
Profits provide
motivation to avoid laziness. The more you work, the more you gain. In his book
“Economics in One Lesson”, Henry Hazlitt talks about this motivation. “If there
is no profit in making an article, it is a sign the labor and capital devoted
to its production are misdirected…one function of profits, in brief, is to
guide and channel the factors of production…in accordance with demand.”
Profit can be monetary,
or it can be anything we are willing to exchange for something else (e.g. time,
goods). Clearly, from the beginning we were intended to work, for our own well-being,
to maintain order, and to feed ourselves. Thus, from the moment of human
dominion on earth, we were working for profit.
Does the Bible support private ownership?
In ancient times, kings, temples and rulers
generally had control over mass areas of land. The Bible actually regulated
ownership by individuals and families. It is also fundamentally against debt
(see Ecclesiastes 5:5, Proverbs 22:7, Psalm 37:21, Numbers 30:2, Romans 13:8) and so God established what is
called the Year of Jubilee in which people who had sold their land to remain
free of, or to eliminate debt, would have it returned to them. This allowed
families, communities, and friends to help each other to remain financially
stable and also have the ability to keep land among families throughout
generations. The buyer was aware the land would not permanently be his, and so what
he was essentially buying was the profit, or crops, that the land would produce
in the number of years he had possession of it. When the Year of Jubilee came
around (every 50 years), he would return the land to the original owner who
would then retake responsibility for governing it. The process is laid out in
detail in Leviticus 25:8-34 and below I have included a segment of those
instructions.
“Count off seven sabbath years—seven times seven years—so that the
seven Sabbath years amount to a period of forty-nine years. ...
Consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim liberty throughout
the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; each of you is
to return to your family property and to your own clan… In this Year of Jubilee
everyone is to return to their own property. “If you sell land to
any of your own people or buy land from them, do not take advantage of each
other. You
are to buy from your own people on the basis of the number of years since the
Jubilee. And they are to sell to you on the basis of the number of years left
for harvesting crops. When the years
are many, you are to increase the price, and when the years are few, you are to
decrease the price, because what is really being sold to you is the number of
crops...*
*(Notice above, this price adjustment discourages people who might
think they can rack up more debt carelessly as the Jubilee year
approaches. That would be foolish
because they will receive less money for the land the closer the year is.)
The land must not be sold permanently, because the land is mine and
you reside in my land as foreigners and strangers. Throughout the land that you hold as a possession,
you must provide for the redemption of the land…If one of your fellow Israelites becomes poor and sells
some of their property, their nearest relative is to come and redeem what they
have sold. 26 If, however, there is no one to redeem it for
them but later on they prosper and acquire sufficient means to redeem it
themselves, 27 they are to determine
the value for the years since they sold it and refund the balance to the one to
whom they sold it; they can then go back to their own property. 28 But if they do not acquire the means to repay,
what was sold will remain in the possession of the buyer until the Year of
Jubilee. It will be returned in the Jubilee, and they can then go back to their
property.
This
passage goes on to explain regulations in detail, including how to handle a
home built within a walled city versus in the country, passing land to
descendants and special rules for those within the tribe of Levi. This amount
of planning, regulation, and detail expresses strongly the value of land
ownership in the Bible.
If land
ownership is so important, and Christianity is fundamentally against
selfishness shouldn’t we all share equally and therefore support a socialistic
view? No. One of the most popular passages to cause confusion is in Acts.
“After they
prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled
with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly. All the believers were
one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their
own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles
continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at
work in them all that there were no needy persons among
them. For from time to
time those who owned
land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and
put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need. Joseph, a
Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means “son of
encouragement”) sold a field he owned and brought the money and put it at the
apostles’ feet.” Acts 4:31-36
Notice that this
is all done voluntarily by communities and individuals, due to changes of heart
prompted by their conversions and acceptance of the Holy Spirit. The church, or
leaders of the communities, did not dictate that everyone split what they own
equally amongst each other – rather, those who had the ability voluntarily helped those in need. I believe this is an
example not of socialism, where people are coerced into giving up their
resources, but of people freely working together in a free market system.
You must own
property in order to give it, and you must make a profit in order to share it.
This being the case then, capitalism is the most effective system to allow this
type of behavior to manifest itself, and would be in line with Scriptural
teachings.
Investment
Investment can be defined as sacrificing something
now, with the hopes of profiting from it later. Someone can invest time in
order to cook a good meal, or energy in order to stay in shape, but most
commonly in economics we think of investing money to earn interest from a bank,
or profit from a company we invest in or purchase stock from. Can this too be
Biblical?
While the specific principle of investment
is not widely discussed (although there are a few examples we will see) the
wise management of money is a prominent topic in the New Testament. In fact,
Jesus discussed money more than He even discussed Heaven. There are many
references to money management in general, and there are some references to
investment as well, e.g. Matthew 25: 14-27, (that not only supports the idea of
working for profit, but also the concept of investing what you have to earn
interest), Luke 19:11-26, and Ecclesiastes 11:1-3.
One of the most recognizable parables that
comes to mind when thinking of investing money for greater return in the future
is found in Luke 19:11-27.
“…A man of noble birth went to a
distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. So
he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas. ‘Put this
money to work,’ he said, ‘until I come back...He was made king…and returned
home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the money, in order to
find out what they had gained with it. The first one came and said, ‘Sir, your
mina has earned ten more.’ ‘Well done, my good servant!’ his
master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take
charge of ten cities.’ The second came and said, ‘Sir, your mina has earned
five more.’ His master answered, ‘You take charge of five cities.’ Then another
servant came and said, ‘Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a
piece of cloth. I was afraid of you, because you are a hard
man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.’ His
master replied, ‘I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You
knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and
reaping what I did not sow? Why then didn’t you put my money on deposit, so that
when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?’ Then he said to
those standing by, ‘Take his mina away from him and give it to the one who has
ten minas.’…”
This parable demonstrates the value of
investing. The servant that was least risk-averse profited 10x what his master
had charged him with. Another was perhaps a little more conservative, and
earned 5x what his master has given him. The final servant had a high level of
risk aversion and instead of saving it in a bank, he kept it to himself. The moral
of this parable is to be wise with what you are given, and multiply it if you
can.
We see in Matthew a very similar parable that
ends with the statement, “Well then, you should have put my money on deposit
with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with
interest.” Matthew 25:27.
And also, Ecclesiastes 11:1-3 “Ship your grain across the sea;
after many days you may receive a return. Invest in seven
ventures, yes, in eight; you do not know what disaster may come upon
the land.” This passage is reminding us to be conscientious in diversifying our
investments, because you never know how they may succeed or fail.
In Gary North’s book “Christian Economics in
One Lesson”, he devotes a chapter to interest and rent. He delves into the
Greek translations and discusses how Christians are to use their talents (aka
human capital) to make the most of what is given to them. He states, “He [God] provides
us with capital, He expects us to increase it for the sake of His
kingdom...God’s people were assured that their position as interest-seeking
lenders was valid. What they were to avoid was becoming indebted foreigners.”
Government Involvement
Should the government be involved in the
economy? Absolutely! There are certain common goods that we all share and use.
One clear example is the military. Since the military is there to protect us
as an entire country, taxes must be had, and the Bible certainly supports
citizens paying their taxes. We can see this is Matthew 22:
“Then the Pharisees went out and
laid plans to trap him in his words. They sent their disciples
to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know that you are a
man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the
truth. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they
are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the
imperial tax to Caesar or not?” But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you
trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, and
he asked them, “Whose image
is this? And whose inscription?” “Caesar’s,” they replied. Then he said to
them, “So give
back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” When they heard this, they were
amazed. So they left him and went away.” Matthew 22:15-22
This is a common passage used to demonstrate
the fact that Christians are not to be rebellious against government
authorities, and we are to remain lawful, tax paying citizens. Elsewhere in
scripture, we are told that God is in complete control of who is in political office
at any time:
“Let
everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority
except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been
established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the
authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do
so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no
terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be
free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be
commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your
good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no
reason. They are God’s
servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore,
it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible
punishment but also as a matter of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are
God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7 Give
to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then
revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” Romans 13:1-7
Beyond
our obligation to pay taxes, and submit to governmental authorities, this
particular passage brings up another point, and that is, what is the job of
government? Essentially, it is to protect its people, and punish wrongdoers.
This is an extremely simple concept and compared to how our government
functions today, may even be considered radical in its simplicity.
It
is my personal belief that it would be within Biblical principles and Christian
beliefs, to deregulate some of the things that our government provides. One
such example is welfare.
According
to scripture, it is Christians and the church who are to provide for and take
care of widows and orphans: “Religion that God our Father accepts
as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their
distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27
And to the poor in our midst:
“If anyone is
poor among your fellow Israelites in any of the towns of the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward
them. 8 Rather, be openhanded and
freely lend them whatever they need. 9 Be
careful not to harbor this wicked thought: “The seventh year, the year for
canceling debts, is near,” so that you do not show ill will toward the needy
among your fellow Israelites and give them nothing. They may then appeal to the
Lord against you, and you will be found guilty of sin. 10 Give generously to them and do so without a
grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God
will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. 11 There will always be poor people in the land.
Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your fellow Israelites who are
poor and needy in your land.” Deuteronomy 15:7-11
As you can see, this scripture encourages
generosity, and where some may be tempted to abuse that generosity by taking
advantage of the 7th year of debt forgiveness (similar to the Year of Jubilee),
that is frowned upon in many scriptures. In addition to discouraging debt,
selfishness, and unwise financial management, the Bible says Christians are not
to concern themselves with others’ motives, but they are to do what they are
called to do, without wondering if the other person deserves it. God promises
then to bless those people.
These verses are also interesting because they
tell us that the poor will always be with us, with no command anywhere in scripture
to try and eliminate the poor completely. Many countries have focused on
eliminating the poor that live there by trying socialism and its counterparts
and they have all failed because they also eliminate the motivation that people
have to work harder so that they can profit more and provide for themselves a
better life. In a socialistic economy, when it’s harder to see great personal
success, the end result is that everyone stops working as hard. So in the end
socialism creates more poor, not less. In stark contrast, when capitalism is
instituted and Christian beliefs are allowed to thrive, then hard work and
generosity are abundant and the poor are often taken care of.
I would like to conclude with some thoughts
by Rev Robert Siraco. In his book “Defending the Free Market: the Moral Case
for a Free Economy”, he states,
“When civilizational
virtues are eroded from within, people lose the capacity to defend the good
things those habits enables previous generations to achieve…We have come to
believe that the government bureaucrat is a Good Samaritan…Can it be mere
coincidence that we are beset by decline just as the Judeo-Christian worldview
has retreated from the public square?...When the Judeo-Christian worldview is
replaced by a vaguely formed and only partially acknowledged philosophical
materialism, then all that matters is what we can get for ourselves today. What
is lost is a sense of history as a meaningful and linear thing, as something
moving toward a great consummation. When a person loses that, when a whole
people loses that, when the institutions that serve to organize and govern a
people lose that, the loss is severe and reverberating. When freedom is
divorced from faith, both freedom and faith suffer. Freedom becomes rudderless,
because truth gives freedom its direction…Freedom without a moral orientation
has no guiding star. On the other hand, when a people surrenders their freedom
to the government – the freedom to make moral, economic, religious, and social
choices and then take personal
responsibility for the consequences – virtue tends to waste away and faith
itself grows cold…The link between economic liberty and public morality is not
tenuous; it is clear and direct.”
Works Cited
·
The Bible (NIV)
·
“The Bible, Homeownership and
the Housing Crisis”, by Joshua Berman History News Network 2013 http://hnn.us/article/56906
·
“The Bible mandates free market
capitalism. It is anti-socialist” by Gary North
·
“Biblical Economics Today” by
Gary North
-
“Christian Economics in One Lesson – Interest and Rent” 1996 http://www.garynorth.com/freebooks/sidefrm2.htm
“Defending the Free Market: The
Moral case for a Free Economy” by Rev Robert Sirico, 2012
Life is like a Jenga tower
I was reminded of the game Jenga a few days ago and a thought occurred to me. Life is like Jenga. It can last a long time, or it can topple over unexpectedly and every choice you make can either keep it stable or weaken it just a little more until collapse. Now I realize this isn't a perfect example because as humans we have the ability to recover where you cannot go backwards in Jenga. One bad move and it's all over. But in my thought process it works well as a visual aid. The choices we make and the things we allow in our life determine the outcome of who we are.
I am taking an English Great Literature class right now. Great literature is determined, of course, by the professor and I really have not been enjoying our first read On The Road by Jack Kerouac. The book itself is not one that I would read again (all about the self serving "beat" culture in the 1950's after WWII - drugs, sex, "adventure") but recently the movie was played in class. I left early. The content was raunchy, self-seeking, immoral and offensive. When you read a book you can filter things through your own understanding or perspective as well as having the added benefit of the narrators thoughts and moral conscience. In a movie, everything is laid out right in front of you with no filter whatsoever. In this particular movie, liberties were taken beyond what was already written in the book and anything that they could make shocking or "raw" they did.
It got me to thinking - what would I have wanted Keegan to do? Even though most of the movie I chose not to watch (I chose to Pinterest instead) looking back I probably should have walked out within the first 5 minutes. Every thought that we put into our head is important. Every image we allow our eyes to see can be helpful or harmful. Every book we read, every avenue of stimulation for our senses can affect you. What you put in your mind - essentially- is what you get out.
As a Christian, I have to be careful to protect my sensibilities. I can't just claim something as "art" or "realism" and be ok with it. The more you let something into your life, the less unusual or offensive it becomes and pretty soon it doesn't bother you at all.
I fail of course, but I try to build my life around Philippians 4:8-10
I want to be a good example to my little kiddo to stand up for what is right even if you think it makes you look silly. I hope I can raise a little boy that puts positive thoughts in his mind and continues to put positive thoughts out into the world.
Note to self: Next time, I should leave right away.....before I pull another block out from the foundation of my Jenga tower!!!!!
I am taking an English Great Literature class right now. Great literature is determined, of course, by the professor and I really have not been enjoying our first read On The Road by Jack Kerouac. The book itself is not one that I would read again (all about the self serving "beat" culture in the 1950's after WWII - drugs, sex, "adventure") but recently the movie was played in class. I left early. The content was raunchy, self-seeking, immoral and offensive. When you read a book you can filter things through your own understanding or perspective as well as having the added benefit of the narrators thoughts and moral conscience. In a movie, everything is laid out right in front of you with no filter whatsoever. In this particular movie, liberties were taken beyond what was already written in the book and anything that they could make shocking or "raw" they did.
It got me to thinking - what would I have wanted Keegan to do? Even though most of the movie I chose not to watch (I chose to Pinterest instead) looking back I probably should have walked out within the first 5 minutes. Every thought that we put into our head is important. Every image we allow our eyes to see can be helpful or harmful. Every book we read, every avenue of stimulation for our senses can affect you. What you put in your mind - essentially- is what you get out.
As a Christian, I have to be careful to protect my sensibilities. I can't just claim something as "art" or "realism" and be ok with it. The more you let something into your life, the less unusual or offensive it becomes and pretty soon it doesn't bother you at all.
I fail of course, but I try to build my life around Philippians 4:8-10
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me,
or seen in me put it into practice.
And the God of peace will be with you
or seen in me put it into practice.
And the God of peace will be with you
I want to be a good example to my little kiddo to stand up for what is right even if you think it makes you look silly. I hope I can raise a little boy that puts positive thoughts in his mind and continues to put positive thoughts out into the world.
Note to self: Next time, I should leave right away.....before I pull another block out from the foundation of my Jenga tower!!!!!
Marriage, Mothering, and Multi-Tasking
About 4 months ago, I began a whirlwind of activity, the major highlight of which was summer nuptials to the man of my dreams. My birthday was June 14, our fantasmagical union of awesomeness was June 15th, my summer trip to New York for a summer acting program was a few weeks later and lasted for a whole month, and then almost as soon as I got home I ran off to begin my final semester of my undergrad!
I suddenly have several roles in life - student, mother, wife - what a change in a few short months. I thought I would share some things I'm learning along the way =)
First of all, being a student is fantastic (now that I see a light at the end of this tunnel!). God has brought me so far over the past 9 years. Sometimes I look back and think "wow that is a LONG time in between the beginning of school and the end of school." But even after I diverted from the plan, and made my foolish decisions, God had his grand plan and lovingly restored me. After 4 years of wandering, he set me back on track and 2 1/2 years later here I am with graduation in sight! When I began my undergrad I wasn't focused and the end result didn't mean so much to me as it does now. I always thought graduations were boring on top of it all, so I certainly never wanted to walk. Now however, after all this effort, my attitude has changed to "um YES I'll walk - I'm proud of what I have accomplished and I'm going to spend 3 hours on December 14th celebrating it!"
Now that I'm also in a Mom role, I felt like it was an important step for me to model finishing something proudly. Speaking of mothering - what an interesting role in life. Boy do you learn a lot when your life is an example to another. My mindset has completely changed. It wasn't an immediate change since the day I got married, but it has been a progression of changes since I met my husband and son 2 years ago. Now, I am constantly thinking about how to train his little mind to be positive, to make the right decisions, etc etc....of course what you don't realize, at first anyway, is how much they change YOU. For one thing, you have to be way less selfish. And boy do they catch you in the little things! Suddenly, you hear yourself saying things like "Are you getting enough air back there[in the car]?" "better grab your sweatshirt!" "stop chewing with your mouth open and banging your bowl" "stop wiping your hands on your tshirt!!" "how was school today, what did you learn?"
I'm learning (my husband seems to be a pro already) when to let things go, and when to give the little human a 15 minute life speech about morality/ethics...or whatever the issue might be. But while all this is going on, I'm constantly reminded how special he is, how precious his little mind is, how smart he is and how valuable our time together is. I am truly blessed in the family I now have. I try to remember to hug him, tell him I'm proud of him, encourage him, leave love notes around the house and we are constantly trying to help him think positive thoughts. In reward, I get to live with a happy healthy little rascal that has an extreme amount of energy, intelligence and love, and comes at me every few days with some of the nicest comments that make all of the efforts and the learning so worth while :)
Marriage is way cool. I have to say it's even better than I anticipated, which says a lot seeing that I am a true believer in romance and fairytales. Because of the lessons God took the time to teach both of us before we met, my husband I really value and respect each other and we try to show each other tangibly and on a daily basis. I know some may say we are still in the "honeymoon phase" but really, our entire relationship has been like this. We try hard to let each other know how much we appreciate the other. I heard once that marriage is not 50/50, its 100/100 so that when one partner isn't at their 100%, the other can cover you. I have found that to be so true. My husband is the most thoughtful man you could possible meet. He gets up much earlier than I do and he does his best to be quiet - to the point of putting his clothes in the bathroom the night before so he doesn't wake me up while looking for things. I often wake up, start getting ready and in he comes with a cup of coffee. It's not a rare occurrence either that I might then walk downstairs to a note that he has left me saying how much he loves me. Lucky ME!!
Now, do we disagree on things? Sure we do. I will say however, it's not often, and it's not usually about anything very important. On top of that if it goes past 5 minutes or so it's usually because one of us is tired.
I am loving every minute of this new life God has blessed me with. What a cool thing marriage is. When it is done right (and I can say that because I have done it "wrong" before) what an amazing partnership! I feel secure, happy, content, excited, loved, full, supported and encouraged.
Now that I have a taste for what this is like, I just want to keep pouring into his love tank as much as I can to keep this cycle going! I have no doubt we will be happy forever and I can't wait to spend the next quadrillion years together =)
I suddenly have several roles in life - student, mother, wife - what a change in a few short months. I thought I would share some things I'm learning along the way =)
First of all, being a student is fantastic (now that I see a light at the end of this tunnel!). God has brought me so far over the past 9 years. Sometimes I look back and think "wow that is a LONG time in between the beginning of school and the end of school." But even after I diverted from the plan, and made my foolish decisions, God had his grand plan and lovingly restored me. After 4 years of wandering, he set me back on track and 2 1/2 years later here I am with graduation in sight! When I began my undergrad I wasn't focused and the end result didn't mean so much to me as it does now. I always thought graduations were boring on top of it all, so I certainly never wanted to walk. Now however, after all this effort, my attitude has changed to "um YES I'll walk - I'm proud of what I have accomplished and I'm going to spend 3 hours on December 14th celebrating it!"
Now that I'm also in a Mom role, I felt like it was an important step for me to model finishing something proudly. Speaking of mothering - what an interesting role in life. Boy do you learn a lot when your life is an example to another. My mindset has completely changed. It wasn't an immediate change since the day I got married, but it has been a progression of changes since I met my husband and son 2 years ago. Now, I am constantly thinking about how to train his little mind to be positive, to make the right decisions, etc etc....of course what you don't realize, at first anyway, is how much they change YOU. For one thing, you have to be way less selfish. And boy do they catch you in the little things! Suddenly, you hear yourself saying things like "Are you getting enough air back there[in the car]?" "better grab your sweatshirt!" "stop chewing with your mouth open and banging your bowl" "stop wiping your hands on your tshirt!!" "how was school today, what did you learn?"
I'm learning (my husband seems to be a pro already) when to let things go, and when to give the little human a 15 minute life speech about morality/ethics...or whatever the issue might be. But while all this is going on, I'm constantly reminded how special he is, how precious his little mind is, how smart he is and how valuable our time together is. I am truly blessed in the family I now have. I try to remember to hug him, tell him I'm proud of him, encourage him, leave love notes around the house and we are constantly trying to help him think positive thoughts. In reward, I get to live with a happy healthy little rascal that has an extreme amount of energy, intelligence and love, and comes at me every few days with some of the nicest comments that make all of the efforts and the learning so worth while :)
Marriage is way cool. I have to say it's even better than I anticipated, which says a lot seeing that I am a true believer in romance and fairytales. Because of the lessons God took the time to teach both of us before we met, my husband I really value and respect each other and we try to show each other tangibly and on a daily basis. I know some may say we are still in the "honeymoon phase" but really, our entire relationship has been like this. We try hard to let each other know how much we appreciate the other. I heard once that marriage is not 50/50, its 100/100 so that when one partner isn't at their 100%, the other can cover you. I have found that to be so true. My husband is the most thoughtful man you could possible meet. He gets up much earlier than I do and he does his best to be quiet - to the point of putting his clothes in the bathroom the night before so he doesn't wake me up while looking for things. I often wake up, start getting ready and in he comes with a cup of coffee. It's not a rare occurrence either that I might then walk downstairs to a note that he has left me saying how much he loves me. Lucky ME!!
Now, do we disagree on things? Sure we do. I will say however, it's not often, and it's not usually about anything very important. On top of that if it goes past 5 minutes or so it's usually because one of us is tired.
I am loving every minute of this new life God has blessed me with. What a cool thing marriage is. When it is done right (and I can say that because I have done it "wrong" before) what an amazing partnership! I feel secure, happy, content, excited, loved, full, supported and encouraged.
Now that I have a taste for what this is like, I just want to keep pouring into his love tank as much as I can to keep this cycle going! I have no doubt we will be happy forever and I can't wait to spend the next quadrillion years together =)
Marriage is not a death sentence...and neither is being single
Recently, I have run into several articles about relationships. People are blogging about singledom and marriage. What bothers me is twofold: 1- the way these opinions are presented as if they are the only right way. 2- The negativity that is expressed and supported.
Ideas and Feelings
One day I was browsing facebook, and I saw a post from a fellow blogger so I opened it up and read it through. I was frustrated by the end, because she was basically complaining about being single and how miserable she was. She then reminded herself how much freedom she has in her single life (being able to go out on a whim etc) and how those freedoms would not exist were she married. To me, that was hypocritical. You are unhappy in your current situation (being single), and you just projected that your future relationship (marriage) will not allow you to spontaneously go out with your friends...and that's why you are unhappy being alone right now?
A few hours later, I stumbled across another post that had to do with marriage. The title was I married young, what are the rest of you waiting for? Her general premise here is that we shouldn't avoid marriage until we feel like we have grown up because that's what marriage does - its grows us up.
Her concept is nice, but her theory wouldn't work for everyone and the way it was presented should be more accommodating to that fact. A few specific quotes that were frustrating to me were as follows:
"Nowadays, one’s 20s are reserved for finishing college, pursuing graduate degrees, and establishing careers. Relationships are, at best, not as interesting as a prestigious job opening at Cravath or a scholarship at Yale. At worst, relationships distract from these opportunities.......What I did not realize was how thoroughly marriage would jump-start our independence. On paper, our unmarried peers looked more carefree. But many of them also relied on their parents to supplement their income, drove home for long weekends and holidays, or stayed on their parents’ health insurance and cellphone plans (even though they had decent jobs!). I put David on my health insurance. We bought our own family cellphone plan and Netflix account. When we visited our parents once a year, we paid for the plane tickets and still did our own laundry. We loved our parents and siblings, but marriage made us realize that we were now a separate family unit"
Using your 20s to establish your career, save money while living at home (as long as it's acceptable with your family) and get settled in life, shouldn't be something that you are ashamed of. The author has had a happy and successful marriage from a young age - but to me it sounds very condescending to those who have chosen to wait. She and her husband have student loans yet the tone of the article is looking down on those who live at home and may be debt free. She also makes it sound like everyone has the option to marry young and chooses not to.
"Sometimes people delay marriage because they are searching for the perfect soul mate. But that view has it backward. Your spouse becomes your soul mate after you've made those vows to each other in front of God and the people who matter to you. You don’t marry someone because he’s your soul mate; he becomes your soul mate because you married him."
I think I understand her point, in that reality sinks in when you are in a long term relationship, and love over a lifetime requires work and a heart decision. Every single day can't be 100% butterflies. But if you don't feel like you have met your soulmate when you are dating, then why in the world would you choose to go down that road? Many Christians in our culture today poo poo the idea of soulmates and think you are silly if you believe in fairytale romance. Regardless of what you believe, if you don't feel head over heels in love as if you have met Prince Charming stepping out of the movie and into your life, then I wouldn't encourage you to get married in the first place.
Negativity
Negativity breeds negativity - and positivity breeds positivity. God has glorious plans for your life. It may be that you meet the man of your dreams at 18 and have a 70+ years together. You may not meet the man of your dreams until you 45 and that's OK. I repeat, that's OK! Wherever God places us and whatever road we are currently on, we need to be satisfied with it.
Too often we look to the future and say "I'll be happy when...". But that "when" never comes, unless we are happy NOW.
There are many positive and happy things about being single - so sure, go ahead and enjoy them! By the way, men usually find women more attractive when they are happy and confident in the life they are living - so love may find you when you least expect it.
Marriage is a beautiful thing! Be satisfied in that too - hopefully you are in a relationship that encourages you to spend time outside the home developing your friendships. In a healthy happy marriage there is no control, manipulation, or hindering of your partner. So wherever you are, and wherever God has placed you - there is a reason. And there is growing that can be done in either circumstance. I try to focus on the positive and stop looking for the negative, there are many wonderful things God has given to me. Since I have mentally made that choice, my life has been a much happier one!
Ideas and Feelings
One day I was browsing facebook, and I saw a post from a fellow blogger so I opened it up and read it through. I was frustrated by the end, because she was basically complaining about being single and how miserable she was. She then reminded herself how much freedom she has in her single life (being able to go out on a whim etc) and how those freedoms would not exist were she married. To me, that was hypocritical. You are unhappy in your current situation (being single), and you just projected that your future relationship (marriage) will not allow you to spontaneously go out with your friends...and that's why you are unhappy being alone right now?
A few hours later, I stumbled across another post that had to do with marriage. The title was I married young, what are the rest of you waiting for? Her general premise here is that we shouldn't avoid marriage until we feel like we have grown up because that's what marriage does - its grows us up.
Her concept is nice, but her theory wouldn't work for everyone and the way it was presented should be more accommodating to that fact. A few specific quotes that were frustrating to me were as follows:
"Nowadays, one’s 20s are reserved for finishing college, pursuing graduate degrees, and establishing careers. Relationships are, at best, not as interesting as a prestigious job opening at Cravath or a scholarship at Yale. At worst, relationships distract from these opportunities.......What I did not realize was how thoroughly marriage would jump-start our independence. On paper, our unmarried peers looked more carefree. But many of them also relied on their parents to supplement their income, drove home for long weekends and holidays, or stayed on their parents’ health insurance and cellphone plans (even though they had decent jobs!). I put David on my health insurance. We bought our own family cellphone plan and Netflix account. When we visited our parents once a year, we paid for the plane tickets and still did our own laundry. We loved our parents and siblings, but marriage made us realize that we were now a separate family unit"
Using your 20s to establish your career, save money while living at home (as long as it's acceptable with your family) and get settled in life, shouldn't be something that you are ashamed of. The author has had a happy and successful marriage from a young age - but to me it sounds very condescending to those who have chosen to wait. She and her husband have student loans yet the tone of the article is looking down on those who live at home and may be debt free. She also makes it sound like everyone has the option to marry young and chooses not to.
"Sometimes people delay marriage because they are searching for the perfect soul mate. But that view has it backward. Your spouse becomes your soul mate after you've made those vows to each other in front of God and the people who matter to you. You don’t marry someone because he’s your soul mate; he becomes your soul mate because you married him."
I think I understand her point, in that reality sinks in when you are in a long term relationship, and love over a lifetime requires work and a heart decision. Every single day can't be 100% butterflies. But if you don't feel like you have met your soulmate when you are dating, then why in the world would you choose to go down that road? Many Christians in our culture today poo poo the idea of soulmates and think you are silly if you believe in fairytale romance. Regardless of what you believe, if you don't feel head over heels in love as if you have met Prince Charming stepping out of the movie and into your life, then I wouldn't encourage you to get married in the first place.
Negativity
Negativity breeds negativity - and positivity breeds positivity. God has glorious plans for your life. It may be that you meet the man of your dreams at 18 and have a 70+ years together. You may not meet the man of your dreams until you 45 and that's OK. I repeat, that's OK! Wherever God places us and whatever road we are currently on, we need to be satisfied with it.
Too often we look to the future and say "I'll be happy when...". But that "when" never comes, unless we are happy NOW.
There are many positive and happy things about being single - so sure, go ahead and enjoy them! By the way, men usually find women more attractive when they are happy and confident in the life they are living - so love may find you when you least expect it.
Marriage is a beautiful thing! Be satisfied in that too - hopefully you are in a relationship that encourages you to spend time outside the home developing your friendships. In a healthy happy marriage there is no control, manipulation, or hindering of your partner. So wherever you are, and wherever God has placed you - there is a reason. And there is growing that can be done in either circumstance. I try to focus on the positive and stop looking for the negative, there are many wonderful things God has given to me. Since I have mentally made that choice, my life has been a much happier one!
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God has great plans for YOU!!!!!!!!!
Target Practice
Recently, the president made a speech about gun control and the new policies that will soon be put into place to end gun violence. I will summarize a few of the points, and of course, discuss my thoughts on them :)
The first first thing to be done is implement required background checks for any and all individuals who want to buy guns. I don't really hate this idea, but I don't really love it either. In regards to supporting it, it may in fact reduce a few people here and there from buying guns because going through the process is a little bit of a hassle. It may also reduce (in small numbers) some dangerous situations, for example when someone may go out and buy a gun in anger to use for a specific purpose. For those considering going through the process of getting a conceal carry license, you have to get a background check anyway. In general however, it really doesn't do much to keep us safe. The bad guys will get guns in illegal ways as they always have, and they will not bother to get a background check. Not to state the obvious, but this also would not have hindered the Sandy Hook shooter. Those guns were owned by his mother, a law abiding citizen.
Next, eliminate assault weapons from being purchased outside of military use. I do mostly agree with this. In my mind, why would anyone need one for their home or recreational use? Lack of access, and strict enforcement, may lower the ability for some bad guys to get their hands on those types of weapons. Again however, a bad guy is just that. a bad guy. They don't follow the rules, and they will obtain these sorts of weapons regardless of whether its legal or not.
Another measure to be taken is to limit the number of shots in a magazine. The point is to make it harder for the bad guys to shoot off lots and lots of rounds all at once. In reality what this does, is hinder the law abiding citizen from protecting himself with the same force with which they are attacked. So, someone comes in with an illegal weapon, with the intent of shooting everyone in their path. They have illegally obtained lots of bullets, and there you are in your house, school work place, or movie theater, with either no gun at all, or a gun with 10 bullets at a time to protect yourself.
I want to leave you with this thought. If you were a parent and were locked in the room with your child, and a gunman - what would you do? There was a teacher in the Sandy Hook Elementary school, who lunged at the gunman, attempting to disarm him and protect the children. Had she been armed, do you think she could have saved her life? Perhaps also those of the children she was attempting to protect? If she was brave enough to jump into dangers way with no protection, think about how the scenario may have been different had even one person in the school (or ALL teachers in the school) been armed....How many shooters have walked into a police station?
In regards to any sense of Biblical reasoning or perspective, I would tend to believe that those who support anti-gun policies also believe that inherently we are all good. At the root of our being, people have goodness, and if we focus on education and information, then we wouldn't have such violent outbursts.
Unfortunately, this does not follow with what the bible teaches us. At our root and in our hearts, we are selfish and evil. When you believe that, then it follows that no matter how much you love others, no matter how much you educate, there will always be evil in the world, until Jesus returns.If we are instructed to gird ourselves with spiritual armor (Eph 6), for spiritual warfare, I also believe it's acceptable to be armed and prepared in the world.
The first first thing to be done is implement required background checks for any and all individuals who want to buy guns. I don't really hate this idea, but I don't really love it either. In regards to supporting it, it may in fact reduce a few people here and there from buying guns because going through the process is a little bit of a hassle. It may also reduce (in small numbers) some dangerous situations, for example when someone may go out and buy a gun in anger to use for a specific purpose. For those considering going through the process of getting a conceal carry license, you have to get a background check anyway. In general however, it really doesn't do much to keep us safe. The bad guys will get guns in illegal ways as they always have, and they will not bother to get a background check. Not to state the obvious, but this also would not have hindered the Sandy Hook shooter. Those guns were owned by his mother, a law abiding citizen.
Next, eliminate assault weapons from being purchased outside of military use. I do mostly agree with this. In my mind, why would anyone need one for their home or recreational use? Lack of access, and strict enforcement, may lower the ability for some bad guys to get their hands on those types of weapons. Again however, a bad guy is just that. a bad guy. They don't follow the rules, and they will obtain these sorts of weapons regardless of whether its legal or not.
Another measure to be taken is to limit the number of shots in a magazine. The point is to make it harder for the bad guys to shoot off lots and lots of rounds all at once. In reality what this does, is hinder the law abiding citizen from protecting himself with the same force with which they are attacked. So, someone comes in with an illegal weapon, with the intent of shooting everyone in their path. They have illegally obtained lots of bullets, and there you are in your house, school work place, or movie theater, with either no gun at all, or a gun with 10 bullets at a time to protect yourself.
I want to leave you with this thought. If you were a parent and were locked in the room with your child, and a gunman - what would you do? There was a teacher in the Sandy Hook Elementary school, who lunged at the gunman, attempting to disarm him and protect the children. Had she been armed, do you think she could have saved her life? Perhaps also those of the children she was attempting to protect? If she was brave enough to jump into dangers way with no protection, think about how the scenario may have been different had even one person in the school (or ALL teachers in the school) been armed....How many shooters have walked into a police station?
In regards to any sense of Biblical reasoning or perspective, I would tend to believe that those who support anti-gun policies also believe that inherently we are all good. At the root of our being, people have goodness, and if we focus on education and information, then we wouldn't have such violent outbursts.
Unfortunately, this does not follow with what the bible teaches us. At our root and in our hearts, we are selfish and evil. When you believe that, then it follows that no matter how much you love others, no matter how much you educate, there will always be evil in the world, until Jesus returns.If we are instructed to gird ourselves with spiritual armor (Eph 6), for spiritual warfare, I also believe it's acceptable to be armed and prepared in the world.
Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
And for your lifeblood I will require a reckoning: from every beast I will require it and from man. From his fellow man I will require a reckoning for the life of man. “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image.
Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I
take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Do these jeans make me look fat?
Recently, I was watching “What Not to Wear”….ok, recently
means anytime I’m home and it’s on! Every time I watch that show I love it
because it focuses not just on the outside of someone’s appearance, but how
taking care of yourself can give you an inner confidence. I’m always amazed at
how even the people who go in kicking and screaming are beaming in the end, ready
to take on life. Something I think many people forget is that when you take 5
minutes for yourself, it’s not necessarily vanity. If you dress in a way that
exudes professionalism and confidence, then you begin to feel confident and
professional. When you feel that way internally, then you perform better as a
parent, as a spouse, in jobs etc, and it becomes a circle of positivity. I
watch that show and I constantly think “I hope my future career is one that allows
me to impact lives daily in a positive way like that”.
If you just keep yourself busy busy and doing
things for others all the time is this the perfect solution? Am I saying don’t
work out or take care of yourself? No! But like I alluded to earlier, there is
a balance between the two and everyone needs to find it in their own life.
Remember, we are representing Christ in every way. That includes how we present
ourselves to the world and even how we dress. If we have the ability to look
nice and appropriate and attractive, then we should do that. If we have time to
the gym then go! By all means – there are so many benefits to going to the gym
than just tightening your muscles. If you are happy and confident, then you are
more fully equipped to complete the work God has given you, and in turn, encourage
those around you to do the same.
Insecurity…almost every woman struggles with it. Often, it
is easier to just give up and look frumpy or “comfortable” than it is to go
through the hassle of finding clothes that fit. We make excuses about not
finding the time in busy schedules to get a haircut that’s modern. But it’s
important to find the right balance between taking enough time to feel
confident so we can kick Insecurity out of our lives for good, and not going
overboard so that we only think of ourselves and not of others anymore.
I have a constant love affair with insecurity. I go through
many seasons of life where she pops her ugly head in. Sometimes I tell her to
go away and sometimes we are best friends. It doesn’t matter so much where it
comes from, as it does how we deal with it right? So how do we deal with it?
Let me address what I
think are the two most common places Miss Insecurity likes to live, and then I
will address what I think are some helpful guidelines to avoid having her stop
by too often. While these are personal examples, I think these are the two main
areas most women would struggle as well:
1)
Physical appearance. In the past several years
I’ve actually lost quite a bit of weight, and in the past 10 months I’ve started
working out and running on a regular basis. I’ve changed my diet significantly
and put more healthy foods inside me than ever before! You would think that I
would feel awesome right?! Well no. Similar to singing, or any other ability,
the better I get at something, the more picky I become. If it’s not perfect, it’s not good enough,
and any ounce of fat is an imperfection. But that chocolate tastes so
goooood…..! I know, constant dilemma.
2)
Relationships. Aka Breeding ground for little
insecurity babies. Now the fact that I’ve been cheated on before and am
divorced notwithstanding, this is still a pretty normal occurrence for women.
After the initial flurry of getting to know each other you begin to wonder
silly thoughts like “does he still find me as attractive as when we met, is there
anyone in his past that was better for him, does he compare me to ex-girlfriends”
and the list continues with foolish thoughts. Insecurity is closely related to
trust, but that is a whole separate article for later.
So regardless, of who you are or where your
particular insecurities come from, how do we rid her from our lives?
1)
A strong prayer life and reading scripture
daily. I am not the best example of this, but when I am able to be consistent
with it, my focus is on things higher than how my thighs look in these jeans.
2)
Stop the self-focus. Moms. They really do know
best don’t they? If I ever get down in the dumps for a long period of time, my
Mom tells me. “Go do something for someone else!!!!” Most insecurity comes from
internal selfishness. I have found that to be true in my life. When I start
focusing on me, instead of those around me, then I’m in a constant struggle of
wanting to be thinner, or more patient, or better at this or that. When I am
focused on what I can do for others in my life however, then I am quite happy
and it becomes a happy little thought cycle that leaves less and less time for
empty or worthless worries.
As with most things in our human lives,
this is not something that changes overnight, but I do see a consistent pattern
of improvement when I “get outside of myself” and think about others.
Judgey McJudgeypants
I think it's time for me to share some of my "Offensive Christian" story. A few things have been on my mind lately, and a little history may bring the thoughts I would like to share with you into perspective.
For most of my life, I attended one church. By 24, when I left the church, I had been a member for about 17 years. I was going through a divorce at the time, and the Pastor insisted on meeting with me after my soon-to-be ex-husband had already gone behind my back to meet with him. The Pastor wanted, essentially, to convince me to work on the marriage he knew nothing about. After we talked and I made sure he understood that I found porn on my computer after 3 months of marriage
(I'm talking about hundreds of pictures and videos in a file on my desktop one day), that my husband cheated on me for 4 months, and that I had already made the effort to reconcile our marriage and seek counseling after wanting a divorce several months earlier (at which point my husband checked out and started cheating)....my pastor proceeded to not care, tell me to my face I was an adulterer for having slept with my husband prior to my marriage (I'll come back to that in a minute) and basically told me that my efforts of trying to make my marriage work earlier that year were pointless because my husband hadn't been willing to participate.
Let me come back to the adulterer comment briefly. First I'd like to point out, that that is the wrong terminology. Secondly, he did not ask if I regretted sex before marriage (which i very much do) and lastly, it is inappropriate to use a prior sin in someones life to convince them they are sinning now.
I left his office with a vague sense that I was just threatened. My mother, who was in the room with me, had the same feeling. So I worked hard on the e-mail I was to send next. That e-mail was drafted and redrafted. It explained why I believed what I believed, and ended with me explaining that I was removing my membership. I never heard from him again.
I moved on to an amazing church shortly after. It was vibrant, full of energy and had an incredible speaker for a pastor. The sermons were always very poignant and usually you could apply them instantly to your life. I got involved in a small group of all women. I loved it. For the first year I was involved, I felt like it was exactly where God placed me. I got baptised, I was excited, I was growing in my faith and my conviction, and I loved the silliness of the girls. I periodically got the feeling that I didn't quite fit in with them however. They seemed very close with each other, but occasionally if I would invite them to my house, or to an event, none of them would come, or very few. There was really no hanging out outside the group, yet many of them would hang out with each other...unfortunately, many of the beautiful women I met in that group were extremely insecure. Most of them were single, and struggling to find satisfaction in their life situation, job, lack of a significant other etc....another thing I began to notice with them was guilt. Guilt would plague these poor girls. If they did something they considered to be wrong, they not openly felt bad about it, they had to share, ask for prayer, tell ten other people about it, and not forgive themselves. (note - this is not applied to everyone of course and I think these are all wonderful individuals even as I am no longer a member.)
Sidebar....I had a very brief quasi-relationship with someone before my divorce was official. I tell you this in full disclosure to let you know that I am not perfect, but at the same time would like to clarify I had been separated from my husband for many many months and was literally waiting for the paper to be signed. Also, it was not a sexual relationship. Now that that is cleared up, I can move on to the important part of my story above. During my time at this new church and developing my accountability with these girls, I got dumped from the relationship I was in at the time. Two weeks later, I met someone absolutely wonderful. I am still in that relationship and am planning on keeping it forever. It was very unique and I could tell that it was from the start. So, as I have a tendency to do, I jumped all in. I was very very excited about this guy (rightly so i might add. He's AWESOME!) Well, in my haste and excitement, I took him to the church groups Christmas party. I kissed him in the car before getting out to head inside, and as I did so, one of the girls pulled up behind me.
We went in and proceeded to have a lovely evening. Several days later, I was getting texts about my "inappropriate" behavior. Apparently I had offended someone. For kissing my boyfriend. In the car. Before the party......I'm still amazed by this. I talked to the girls about this and explained that 1) If girl A had a problem she should have approached me and no one else. I never heard from girl A that it was an issue! 2) I didn't do anything wrong and no one should be offended.
Well, this didn't go off very well. Because I didn't say "I'm wrong for kissing my boyfriend and I'll back off immediately, I'm so sorry I offended anyone"....I was told that my behavior was not a good Christian example, that I "hop" from boyfriend to boyfriend, and the very brief relationship I mentioned having during my divorce a moment ago...that's right.... It was brought up as an example as to WHY my current situation was wrong. Wait. Does this sound familiar? Previous mistakes brought in to guilt someone into feeling bad for a current issue. When I attempted to defend myself, I was told that a lot of the girls in the group are insecure. Essentially I was being told that even if I offended someone for doing nothing wrong I should feel bad about it and change my behavior to compensate for their insecurities.
I have a few replies to that specific issue:
1) Never assume someone is SECURE. I was told during this conversation that I am very pretty and I come across very confident. I am telling you right now, that I have been through a lot in my life, and that I struggle constantly with insecurities. Lesson number #1 - don't assume.
2) When you are confronting someone - do it out of love, not your own insecurities. Lesson #2 - Look for your internal motives before confronting anyone.
3) If you choose to confront a friend - especially when you are choosing to come from a spiritual perspective, make sure you choose your battles - is this really a spiritual issue? Or is this simple a personal boundary choice that I may not be comfortable with in my life, but isn't necessarily a "sin" or a big deal? Lesson #3 - Think through the issue.
Why am I sharing all of this? Well there are several reasons. One reason is that I have learned a lot from the mistakes I've made. I've also learned a lot about loving people. Another reason, is that I have been judged. A lot. Sometimes for the most inconsequential things, and frankly, its gets exhausting.
I love God. I love Him so much because I am a sinner who is undeserving of his Grace, yet He has so freely bestowed it. He has taken the fragments of my life and given me so much happiness restoration and security!!! I think people tend to see an imperfect person and instead of realizing they are imperfect too, they latch on to someone whose public sin MUST be worse than their private sin and so it makes them feel better about themselves.
I have lived a lot. I have made mistakes a lot. Somehow, God has used them to help me become less judgemental, more loving, and happier than ever. He certainly is a good God. I have a desire to share with women the lessons I have learned. Some through my own mistakes and some through how people have unlovingly treated me. Both are legitimate lessons. I want women to make wise decisions. I want little girls to have value in themselves so that they don't make the same choices I made. So they don't get in the same sad marriage I did. And so that they don't have to go through a divorce, to grow as harshly and as quickly as I had to do.
This brings me to my final through for the day which is actually the thought that spurred this post. Several months ago, I was walking with my Mom and talking to her about the lessons I've learned about love, relationships, and my relationship with Jesus through everything that has happened in the past several years. She asked me what I was going to do about it. I told her I wanted to be able to share with young girls what not to do. She thought it was worth pursuing so I e-mailed the church and asked if I could speak to the girls in the youth group. I never heard back.
My final thought is this: Why is it "cool" for an ex drug addict, an ex alcoholic, a rough tattooed ex gang guy, to come to church redeemed and share his testimony to others? But a divorced woman is not?
I will continue to use this outlet as it may be the only one I have to use for awhile to share some of my thoughts on how wonderful God is, how wonderful relationships can be, what NOT to look for in a man, what TO look for in a man, and oh one more thing I think I might touch on occassionally....
how not to be a Christian Judgey McJudgeypants.
For most of my life, I attended one church. By 24, when I left the church, I had been a member for about 17 years. I was going through a divorce at the time, and the Pastor insisted on meeting with me after my soon-to-be ex-husband had already gone behind my back to meet with him. The Pastor wanted, essentially, to convince me to work on the marriage he knew nothing about. After we talked and I made sure he understood that I found porn on my computer after 3 months of marriage
(I'm talking about hundreds of pictures and videos in a file on my desktop one day), that my husband cheated on me for 4 months, and that I had already made the effort to reconcile our marriage and seek counseling after wanting a divorce several months earlier (at which point my husband checked out and started cheating)....my pastor proceeded to not care, tell me to my face I was an adulterer for having slept with my husband prior to my marriage (I'll come back to that in a minute) and basically told me that my efforts of trying to make my marriage work earlier that year were pointless because my husband hadn't been willing to participate.
Let me come back to the adulterer comment briefly. First I'd like to point out, that that is the wrong terminology. Secondly, he did not ask if I regretted sex before marriage (which i very much do) and lastly, it is inappropriate to use a prior sin in someones life to convince them they are sinning now.
I left his office with a vague sense that I was just threatened. My mother, who was in the room with me, had the same feeling. So I worked hard on the e-mail I was to send next. That e-mail was drafted and redrafted. It explained why I believed what I believed, and ended with me explaining that I was removing my membership. I never heard from him again.
I moved on to an amazing church shortly after. It was vibrant, full of energy and had an incredible speaker for a pastor. The sermons were always very poignant and usually you could apply them instantly to your life. I got involved in a small group of all women. I loved it. For the first year I was involved, I felt like it was exactly where God placed me. I got baptised, I was excited, I was growing in my faith and my conviction, and I loved the silliness of the girls. I periodically got the feeling that I didn't quite fit in with them however. They seemed very close with each other, but occasionally if I would invite them to my house, or to an event, none of them would come, or very few. There was really no hanging out outside the group, yet many of them would hang out with each other...unfortunately, many of the beautiful women I met in that group were extremely insecure. Most of them were single, and struggling to find satisfaction in their life situation, job, lack of a significant other etc....another thing I began to notice with them was guilt. Guilt would plague these poor girls. If they did something they considered to be wrong, they not openly felt bad about it, they had to share, ask for prayer, tell ten other people about it, and not forgive themselves. (note - this is not applied to everyone of course and I think these are all wonderful individuals even as I am no longer a member.)
Sidebar....I had a very brief quasi-relationship with someone before my divorce was official. I tell you this in full disclosure to let you know that I am not perfect, but at the same time would like to clarify I had been separated from my husband for many many months and was literally waiting for the paper to be signed. Also, it was not a sexual relationship. Now that that is cleared up, I can move on to the important part of my story above. During my time at this new church and developing my accountability with these girls, I got dumped from the relationship I was in at the time. Two weeks later, I met someone absolutely wonderful. I am still in that relationship and am planning on keeping it forever. It was very unique and I could tell that it was from the start. So, as I have a tendency to do, I jumped all in. I was very very excited about this guy (rightly so i might add. He's AWESOME!) Well, in my haste and excitement, I took him to the church groups Christmas party. I kissed him in the car before getting out to head inside, and as I did so, one of the girls pulled up behind me.
We went in and proceeded to have a lovely evening. Several days later, I was getting texts about my "inappropriate" behavior. Apparently I had offended someone. For kissing my boyfriend. In the car. Before the party......I'm still amazed by this. I talked to the girls about this and explained that 1) If girl A had a problem she should have approached me and no one else. I never heard from girl A that it was an issue! 2) I didn't do anything wrong and no one should be offended.
Well, this didn't go off very well. Because I didn't say "I'm wrong for kissing my boyfriend and I'll back off immediately, I'm so sorry I offended anyone"....I was told that my behavior was not a good Christian example, that I "hop" from boyfriend to boyfriend, and the very brief relationship I mentioned having during my divorce a moment ago...that's right.... It was brought up as an example as to WHY my current situation was wrong. Wait. Does this sound familiar? Previous mistakes brought in to guilt someone into feeling bad for a current issue. When I attempted to defend myself, I was told that a lot of the girls in the group are insecure. Essentially I was being told that even if I offended someone for doing nothing wrong I should feel bad about it and change my behavior to compensate for their insecurities.
I have a few replies to that specific issue:
1) Never assume someone is SECURE. I was told during this conversation that I am very pretty and I come across very confident. I am telling you right now, that I have been through a lot in my life, and that I struggle constantly with insecurities. Lesson number #1 - don't assume.
2) When you are confronting someone - do it out of love, not your own insecurities. Lesson #2 - Look for your internal motives before confronting anyone.
3) If you choose to confront a friend - especially when you are choosing to come from a spiritual perspective, make sure you choose your battles - is this really a spiritual issue? Or is this simple a personal boundary choice that I may not be comfortable with in my life, but isn't necessarily a "sin" or a big deal? Lesson #3 - Think through the issue.
Why am I sharing all of this? Well there are several reasons. One reason is that I have learned a lot from the mistakes I've made. I've also learned a lot about loving people. Another reason, is that I have been judged. A lot. Sometimes for the most inconsequential things, and frankly, its gets exhausting.
I love God. I love Him so much because I am a sinner who is undeserving of his Grace, yet He has so freely bestowed it. He has taken the fragments of my life and given me so much happiness restoration and security!!! I think people tend to see an imperfect person and instead of realizing they are imperfect too, they latch on to someone whose public sin MUST be worse than their private sin and so it makes them feel better about themselves.
I have lived a lot. I have made mistakes a lot. Somehow, God has used them to help me become less judgemental, more loving, and happier than ever. He certainly is a good God. I have a desire to share with women the lessons I have learned. Some through my own mistakes and some through how people have unlovingly treated me. Both are legitimate lessons. I want women to make wise decisions. I want little girls to have value in themselves so that they don't make the same choices I made. So they don't get in the same sad marriage I did. And so that they don't have to go through a divorce, to grow as harshly and as quickly as I had to do.
This brings me to my final through for the day which is actually the thought that spurred this post. Several months ago, I was walking with my Mom and talking to her about the lessons I've learned about love, relationships, and my relationship with Jesus through everything that has happened in the past several years. She asked me what I was going to do about it. I told her I wanted to be able to share with young girls what not to do. She thought it was worth pursuing so I e-mailed the church and asked if I could speak to the girls in the youth group. I never heard back.
My final thought is this: Why is it "cool" for an ex drug addict, an ex alcoholic, a rough tattooed ex gang guy, to come to church redeemed and share his testimony to others? But a divorced woman is not?
I will continue to use this outlet as it may be the only one I have to use for awhile to share some of my thoughts on how wonderful God is, how wonderful relationships can be, what NOT to look for in a man, what TO look for in a man, and oh one more thing I think I might touch on occassionally....
how not to be a Christian Judgey McJudgeypants.
because he has come to his people and redeemed them.
What Language do YOU speak?
Love - it's something that we search for all our lives. It's the greatest commandment in scripture. It's a void we all need filled. It's can also be the most confusing, baffling, misunderstood emotion we have!
We all know that there are different kinds of love. Love for a child, love for your parents, love for a friend, love for God, the love God has for US, and then, the one we probably think about most often, romantic love.
Today I want to talk about romantic love. This will probably turn into a string of posts with different areas of focus, but today I want to talk about the concept of Love Languages. Several years ago I was handed the book The 5 Love Languages, written by Gary Chapman. After understanding this concept, my view of relational dynamics has permanently changed!
The idea is pretty simple. Every person has a specific way of understanding, processing, and receiving love which makes them feel the most satisfied. Everyone has a "Love Tank" so to speak that needs to be filled. The book covers 5 main ways that people feel loved:
We all know that there are different kinds of love. Love for a child, love for your parents, love for a friend, love for God, the love God has for US, and then, the one we probably think about most often, romantic love.
Today I want to talk about romantic love. This will probably turn into a string of posts with different areas of focus, but today I want to talk about the concept of Love Languages. Several years ago I was handed the book The 5 Love Languages, written by Gary Chapman. After understanding this concept, my view of relational dynamics has permanently changed!
The idea is pretty simple. Every person has a specific way of understanding, processing, and receiving love which makes them feel the most satisfied. Everyone has a "Love Tank" so to speak that needs to be filled. The book covers 5 main ways that people feel loved:
1) Acts of Service
2) Receiving of Gifts
3) Quality Time
4)Physical Touch
5)Words of Affirmation
I'll give you just a few examples of what each love language could be.
Acts of Service: can be cleaning the house, doing the dishes, washing their car etc....something to help the other person in their life routine. I'm sure you think of a few people right now that this is their main love language - lots of Moms in particular... :)
Receiving of Gifts: Admitting to this love language can make you feel selfish, until you understand it more fully. It doesn't need to be a present, or anything expensive. People who primarily respond to this love language enjoy it most because it says their partner was thinking about them while away. It could be a flower, a card, a written sticky note etc....
Quality Time: This is pretty obvious - spending time with your partner in communication, sitting on the couch, doing activities together....most time spent together fills their "love tank"
Physical Touch: Massaging feet, holding hands, giving hugs and kisses - all these can make someone whose primary love language is physical touch, feel loved.
Words of Affirmation: Words of encouragement, and communicating your feelings for this person in written or verbal form is important to let them know how much you love them!
Now you might be thinking, "All these things make me feel loved!" That's true! Most people need all of these things at some point, but generally there is one or two that stand out as our "primary and secondary" love languages!
When it comes to choosing the right person to date or marry, it's important to know what their love languages are! I go a little bit further than the book does because I believe we have both input and output love languages. Often, they may be the same because it's easy for us to express love in the same way we like to receive it. It just seems natural to show someone else how much you love them in the way that you think it would mean the most to you. Occasionally, it may be easier for you to demonstrate love in a completely different way, and it's good to identify these things in yourself and your partner so that you know that your inputs and outputs work together.
Something to think about - just knowing your partners love language doesn't necessarily mean your problems are solved and you can automatically fill their love tank. If their input love language is a difficult output for you, this can be very hard long term. For example: I dated someone whose primary love language was Acts of Service. Acts of Service is difficult for me to provide. I'm very busy, I'm not the most organized person, and it's not my default love output. I love to verbally affirm, to hug, to spend time with people etc....I could do those things all day long and someone who needs Acts of Service to feel deeply loved, will just not feel satisfied!
I challenge you to read the book. Even if you don't read it, skim it. If you can't skim it, take the basic concepts I've shared with you and see how they apply in your life. Think about your Mom - what makes her feel loved? Your children? Your siblings? Everyone in your life can benefit from you taking the time to understand what makes them feel loved. Once you understand the people around you, you can tailor gifts, words, the time you spend with them to be more effective.
There are great rewards from applying this to your life. The value of investing in those around you is immeasurable, and the return you almost always receive from them is deeply fulfilling. It has changed my perspective permanently! Give it a try!